by Francis Friel

Synopsis:

Dinosaurs are boring. Let's make new dinosaurs. Can't go wrong, right?

Review:

Wrong. It turns bad immediately. Obviously. Ugh.

JURASSIC PARK spent a lot of screen time establishing how and why the raptors were as intelligent as they were. This film features a creature that is super-intelligent... kinda just cause it is. And the rest of the plot hinges on that information. Alright, I guess.

While the movie gets in a few digs at the culture of bigger and louder sequels, other recent films have made the same point/joke more effectively, and at a certain point why not just give in and make your bigger, louder sequel if that's what you're doing (and honestly, it's not even a new thing, even though it is pretty much all-pervasive these days). My hope for Trevorrow is that this movie is a huge hit and he gets to go back to making more SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED-type stuff. 

Or am I misjudging all these directors? Maybe they all really want to be Spielberg and work as studio hit-makers. Maybe they DON'T want to keep making the smaller, weirder stuff they made their names on. Who knows. Watch this guy get hired to make a STAR WARS.

I guess I just don't get why Hollywood needs to constantly remake/remodel everything constantly. It's like there's an agenda to let filmmakers do whatever they want with minimal funding (like SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED) because they know they will then cull from that pool of directors to make the GODZILLAs, STAR WARS, CAPTAIN AMERICAs, and JURASSIC WORLDs. One way or another, all the real talent will be sucked into the machine. Agenda! It's like there's an Agenda!

It's crazy to think there was ever a time when these big-budget blockbusters were actually small passion projects from weirdo directors. A NEW HOPE, THE GODFATHER, THE MATRIX, all these films were things the directors had to fight for to get their vision onto the screen exactly the way they wanted it. But they spawned an entire culture of Hollywood bullshit that perpetuates to this day. The critically-hated STAR WARS prequels still weren't enough to stop THE FORCE AWAKENS from happening. And with it five or six more films from small-time directors (mostly, it seems) hoping to hop onboard that money train. And while I never fault filmmakers trying to make money, I mean... Who the fuck wants that headache? Have you ever seen a Peter Jackson or Michael Bay or James Cameron behind-the-scenes doc? It looks like the worst job imaginable. And when you're spending so much of the studio's money and they want very specific results (Marvel is allegedly the worst for this), I swear to god I can't imagine not wanting to just blow your brains out every second. Making any movie is hard enough because it's a constant drain of time and money and resources, but at least the end result is something to be proud of (hopefully). I just can't wrap my head around doing all that but on such a larger scale just to realize someone else's vision, when in most cases that vision is just a bunch of toys on shelves when it really comes down to it.

Okay, but anyway....

The big finale in this thing is pretty great though, despite the fact that when they first introduced the element early in the film that would eventually save the day, I kinda called it, but only because I've, like, seen other movies before. The ending still works, even if the first two hours really don't.

And by ending, I mean "there's one really cool shot that isn't as much of a surprise as the movie thinks it is."

Overall Score:???/!!