by Jaime Davis

If you’ve seen the original Magic Mike, you know it’s not just “that male stripper movie.” Yeah there’s hilarious dance sequences and Matthew McConaughey in chaps and crazed, screaming women and penis pumps and bad acting from actresses who shall remain nameless. But the film, directed in all seriousness by Steven Soderbergh, takes a long, dark look at the world of male entertainers, complete with drugs, backstabbing, violence, and avarice.

So it was a bit of a surprise to me how Magic Mike XXL swapped its depressing worldview for a rosier one. The gang is all back, sans the Pettyfer (yay) and the McConaughey (boo), traveling in an artisanal frozen yogurt food truck from Tampa to Myrtle Beach for some kind of stripper convention (which I assume is a real thing). THIS IS A ROAD MOVIE, YOU GUYS. Which means bring on the fun and the hilarity and the gags and the snags. And there are a bunch of those in Magic Mike XXL

Joe Manganiello does a strip tease in a convenience store, but I don’t want to get into it. (Your eyes need to see that for themselves.) Jada Pinkett Smith pretty much owns the whole dang movie but I don’t feel like talking about that either. Tarzan’s backstory is completely surprising, Donald Glover failed to convince me that he could be a male entertainer, and Michael Strahan gave someone a lap dance. But, really, these things are not what I want to rehash. Because what I really want to talk to you about are cookies. 

Cookies are a deliciously sweet baked concoction typically combining a number of ingredients including butter, flour, sugar, salt, and baking soda or baking powder. If you have never had a cookie before, I strongly recommend that you try one! For me personally, cookies are one of my top three favorite foods (in order of preference: ice cream, then pizza, then cookies). Cookies are also my favorite item to bake. Chocolate chip mostly, but I’ll make and eat them all: chocolate chip with nuts, chocolate chip with coconut, sugar cookies, peanut butter cookies, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, brown butter cookies, toffee chocolate cookies, shortbread cookies, double chocolate chip cookies, lemon cookies, sandwich cookies, I JUST LIKE COOKIES. YOU SHOULD REALLY LOOK INTO HAVING SOME COOKIES.

So imagine, just IMAGINE, my complete delight when, about halfway through the comedy of the year, Channing Tatum turns down a bite of red velvet cake from his love interest and proudly declares that he’s “a cookie guy.”

Channing Tatum is a cookie guy.

Channingggggg Tatummm is a cookieeeee guyyyyyyy.

HE’S A COOKIE GUY ASDFGHJKL.

Upon hearing this I turned into a puddle under my seat and promptly evaporated, dead forever.

Nah, not really. But I did get super duper excited. And then Tatum went on to talk about Oreos for maybe 20 seconds or so and guess what. I LOVE OREOS TOO. If you’ve never had Oreos, like what are you waiting for? He also dances to a song called Cookie at the end of the movie that may or may not reference said love for cookies. Le sighs all around, am I right, folks?

Oh, yeah. A bunch of other things happen in this movie. I can’t really remember what exactly, but there are these guys and they dance with some women who throw dollar bills around and stuff. And Elizabeth Banks pops up for like a second and almost makes out with Jada Pinkett Smith. I said ‘almost.’ Dammit.

Moral of the story: is this what they talk about when they say people are “meant to be?” Is this what true love is all about? Surely no one else can love cookies as much as Channing Tatum and I do. While I ponder, feel free to watch Magic Mike XXL for all the lolz and the COOKIES.

Read more from Jaime at whatjaimewatched.com