Written and directed by Steven Knight
Starring Anne Hathaway, Matthew McConaughey, Djimon Hounsou, and Diane Lane
Running time: 1 hour 46 minutes
Rated R for sexy boat times, blood and stuff, domestic violence, and angry tuna

by Jaime Davis, The Fixer

Remember the days before Matthew McConaughey was a major player in the world of cin-ah-mahhh? Like I enjoy the shit outta him in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, The Wedding Planner, and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Those were the days when things seemed…brighter. Lighter. He smiled a lot in those movies, lazily flashing his pearly white grin for all the swoons in all the land. But then…a darker time fell upon us. 2011 saw the release of Killer Joe…and he did a good job of playing a not very good guy. And then 2012 saw the one-two punch of Mud and Magic Mike and it wasn’t long before he landed the lead in awards bait drama Dallas Buyers Club…floating off with a Golden Globe and an Oscar for his performance. Later he wowed us in True Detective before…playing a scientist in Interstellar (huh boy) and rambling his way through some very strange, pseudo-philosophical Lincoln car commercials.

Well everyone, McConaughey is in a new movie that just came out. Called Serenity. This time playing a fisherman. It’s written and directed by the dude who brought us Locke, which I enjoyed during my first and only viewing when it came out in the theater. I give writer/director Steven Knight major props for bringing us something completely fresh - Serenity isn’t based on anything but good ol’ original brain ideas - not a comic, or a video game, or a children’s Happy Meal toy - none a that. Relying on some neo-noir-ish influences, a fairly sizable twist in the middle, a first rate cast, and Matthew McConaughey’s pinched, quizzical brow through 97.43% of the film, Serenity works very hard to be a lot of damn things all at once. Sigh. Look, I’m never really sure about this whole film criticism thing. Maybe it’s not for me? Is it really necessary? Cause see the damn thing, don’t see the damn thing, I donotreallycare. And I want to reward a truly original story being made! But someone told me recently how like Oprah, when she was interviewing actors on her talk show, if she didn’t like the film they were plugging she would just say “wow” a helluva lot.

So. Serenity. Wow.

Wow.

I would like to spend the rest of my time with you today discussing some of the little morsels I truly love about everyone’s favorite bananapants acttt-orrr, Mr. Matthew. McConaughey.

Miller Lyte

McConaughey has a brother named Rooster? And his brother has a CNBC show called West Texas Investors Club…which sounds a bit outside my wheelhouse? And Rooster has a son named…wait for it…Miller Lyte McConaughey. And Rooster received a one-year supply of beer for naming his child that. Fuck outta here. Naming my first kid Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch-Davis. Taco Bell, my computer phone is fully charged and ready for your call.

Little Mr. Texas

Matthew McConaughey apparently was in some kind of pageant as a child called Little Mr. Texas. He was on Watch What Happens Live last night talking about it and I took this very professional snap of him on the tv for y’all. A quick Google search revealed he’s talked about this many, many, many times before. It was my first time hearing it, though! Fun fact!

I Don’t Know What the Heck You’re Talking About

Like I mentioned, dude has won some awards. Which has required him to speak! In public. On camera. In complete sentences. None of which are necessarily coherent. Whether he’s talking about flying off to Neptune in a SAG awards acceptance or patting his hero on the back in his Oscars speech (for the record, that hero is himself), well…they both prove he’s on a plane of existence that perhaps no one else is? And though I love how he says “alright alright alright,” his famous Dazed and Confused catch phrase at the end of the Academy Awards acceptance, don’t get me started on how he beat out Chiwetel Ejiofor that year (for his performance in 12 Years a Slave). Just. Don’t.

Quit Scrollin’, Quit Streamin’, Start Dreamin’

My friend Sara recently told me about this lil bit McConaughey did with Jimmy Kimmel in Austin where they made a bunch of commercial spots for Vulcan Video. First of all, McConaughey is wearing an “alright” hat. Secondly, he admits to enjoying talking to himself when he drives. Which all makes perfect sense. This is probably my favoriteeee of all the McConaughey things that exist on this great green earth. If you haven’t already, it’s a must watch. If you don’t, you’re out of your Vulcan mind.

P.S. I should mention that McConaughey gets completely naked in Serenity. So if you’re into that sort of thing, rush right out and see it.