Directed by Paul Feig
Written by Emma Thompson and Greg Wise
Starring Emilia Clarke, Henry Golding, Emma Thompson, Michelle Yeoh
MPAA rating: PG-13 for language and sexual content
Running Time: 1 hour 43 minutes

by Audrey Callerstrom

Rolling Stone magazine gave Paul Feig’s Last Christmas a one-star review, to which the director replied, via Twitter, “Can our one star at least be a really really big star?” Followed by a star emoji, a smiley face emoji, and a heart emoji. It’s a playful response to a review that eviscerates Feig’s film, which was co-written by Emma Thompson and loosely based on the music of George Michael. It’s a certain “aw, gee whiz!” kind of charm that is completely absent from this lopsided, clumsy, and unsurprising Christmas rom-com.

To say that movies like this are immune from criticism is a disservice to rom-coms that are done well.  Enough Said. The Big Sick. Silver Linings Playbook. With little effort into character development or a story that carries the movie along, Last Christmas demands you love it just because Emilia Clarke and Henry Golding are cute together, walking the streets of London giggling and showing off their expressive eyebrows. Emilia Clarke plays Kate, a spunky partier and wannabe singer with a heart transplant who is always dressed well with impeccable makeup even though she lives out of a tiny roller suitcase. Henry Golding is Tom, and what we know about him is that he’s cute, kind, and he wears layers really, really well. Kate works at a year-round Christmas gift shop with Michelle Yeoh as her manager. Michelle Yeoh is given absolutely nothing to do besides bumble through a couple scenes with childish dialogue. Emma Thompson as Kate’s mom is similarly out of place with a cartoonish accent, complete with overused glottal stops. You see, Kate (born Katarina) and her family are refugees from the former Yugoslavia. Her dad was a lawyer, now he’s a cab driver. The parents are technically separated but still amiable. Oh, and their older daughter is gay and the parents may or may not accept that. The film never really explores any of these dynamics, instead it throws them out like “Here. You care now, right?”

The entire film labors along as though it’s written by algorithm, and not by Oscar winning screenwriter Thompson (for Sense and Sensibility) and husband Greg Wise. Sure, those George Michael songs are bops, but those moments of joy are brief. They’re like moments of fun, original programming padded by ads. This is the kind of film that elicits an “oh, come ON” response at its grand reveal, a “twist” that is so comically anticipated that a little overacting could have moved it toward parody. Last Christmas looks beautiful, especially scenes inside the Christmas shop, but it’s dull and low-energy. It’s a disappointing follow-up to Feig’s last film, the delightful, campy, and rewatchable A Simple Favor. Fans of Love, Actually will find that this is, sadly, not the next big Christmas insta-hit. It’s a Lifetime movie on a Universal budget.