Written by Carl w. Lucas
Directed by Gille Klabin
Starring Justin Long, Tommy Flanagan and Katia Winter
MPAA rating: R for strong drug content and language throughout, some disturbing images and sexual references
Running time: 1 hour and 30 minutes

A LifeLONG Commitment

by Judson Cade Pedigo

You know, you might see somebody for the longest time before you really notice them. They might try to sell you a Mac, help Bruce Willis save the world or just be Waiting... around at a restaurant. Then one day Michael Parks turns them into a walrus and you finally sit up and go, “Hey, who’s that guy?” Ever since Kevin Smith’s 2014 WTF feature Tusk, Justin Long has been on my radar in a big bad way. I’ve never really followed actors before. You’ll find the same glazed over expression on my face when I see Brad Pitt’s ugly mug splashed all over a movie poster or when they announce the latest poor schlub to play Batman. I just can’t care. There are certain director’s that I’ll line up for no matter what, which works out well when say, Lynne Ramsey puts out a new film and not so well when Rob Zombie unleashes a new turd into theaters. I can’t explain how Justin changed all that, but I feel like I can trust this guy. So it was the Justin Longness of it all that led me to his latest, The Wave. As such I’m going to have to grade this on my specially calibrated Long Sliding Scale™. I’ll be rating the movie on the three categories of Justiness: charm, humor and entertainment. Let’s see how it stacks up.

Charm
I may have to take extra precautions while writing this because I’ve fallen for Justin’s charms once again. Here he plays insurance lawyer Frank, who has discovered a loophole in his latest case that is going to save his corporate clients millions of dollars, money that by all accounts should be going to the dependants of the policy holder. Screwball lawyer helping corporate fat cats get fatter? Not a good look in 2020 to be sure. Could this be the swan song for Justin Long? Not a chance. How is his affability rating in this role? As the kids say, this guy is affable AF. Under the guidance of Long, this character is not just another lawyer bro or cOrpOrAtE bOi, he’s a regular guy, just like me: kind of boring, risk averse, routine dependant. Just like me! Just like us. Justin Long is us, we are Justin Long. When his lawyer bro Jeff (Donald Faison) wants to celebrate Frank’s achievement by heading out to party, he declines. Responsibility. He’s got to share his findings with the board the next day, plus his wife would not approve. Thoughtful. Frank’s fortitude is put to the test that evening from THE WIFE. Okay writers and filmmakers out there, can we please retire THE WIFE trope? Nagging and shrewish, THE WIFE is there to push the story forward by allowing the male protagonist to get away with things like “infidelity” or “breaking marital trust” in the eyes of the audience simply because he’s married to THE WIFE who probably deserves the disrespect on account of her naggishness and shrewishness. Frank decides to go out with lawyer bro after all since THE WIFE is such a WIFE that he needs to escaper her WIFERY. Listen, how about just make her an average person and then deal with our male protagonist making mistakes? How about that? They go out, end up at a house party, do drugs and the next day Frank is not only hungover but experiencing hallucinations and, for some reason, has gained the ability to randomly travel through time and space. Yep, leave it to Justin Long to get mixed up in something like this. As far as charms go, even as this character, I’ll give him a solid 7.

Humor
Humor is where my boy Justin usually shines, but I feel he’s a little subdued this time around. He’s the straight man here and, while the movie wants to be a wild and crazy mescaline trip, it doesn’t move like it should. Throughout the runtime we meet a bevy of characters that act like they walked out of a late 90’s screening of Go. You’ve got your Sardonic Fairy Vision Lady (a close relative of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl) who’s there to both challenge our hero’s worldview and provide him a sharp contrast to THE WIFE, who we already know to be a nagging shrew. (Seriously movies, stop.) There’s the weird old drug dealer in the fur coat that may be the devil, or an angel or all of the above. There’s a young drug dealer, this one with a ready to go catch phrase (“Oh snap bitch!”), which actually sounds even worse than it reads. We’ve got a whole cadre of quirky characters to bounce off our man Justin, but he never really gets to cut loose like we know he can. The fact is, he’s simply too good for his own good. He starts off as a misguided good guy and ends as a...guided good guy? Had he began as a real prick then he would have someplace to go but instead he just goes from nice to nicer. When you’ve got a wild man like Long, don’t fence him in. Let him run free! When he’s allowed to go full Long, he has me rolling with laughter, rolling AF as the kid’s say. My final score: I’ll still give him a 5 because I love the guy so damn much. Still, the problems here carry over to our next category.

Entertainment
When reality and Frank’s hallucinations begin to blur, I wanted more than what the movie was giving me. If you’re going to make hallucinatory images the cornerstone of your flick, I feel like you really oughtta go for it, especially these days. When I can get on my phone and pull up video of Whiplash the Rodeo Monkey or pictures of freaking anglerfish you better be ready to show me something really insane. As Frank is bounced from one character to the next, I started to get After Hours vibes, but we never get an iconic “Surrender Dorothy” moment. Instead we get Sardonic Fairy Lady talking like a first year philosophy student about the balance of the universe. Turns out, all these quirky folks might just be manifestations of life itself. In fact, all this talk about karma and justice and the equilibrium of the cosmos is where it all falls apart for me. As much as I love movies that involve elemental forces taking an interest in human affairs, it all seems hard to swallow that, in the great big scheme of things, an opportunistic lawyer cheating on an insurance claim would be on their radar. Look at any headline these days, it’s bad out there. We’re learning more and more about what a truly terrible place the world is and I don’t need a movie (no matter how well intentioned) patting me on the head and telling me not to worry, that everything will work itself out. However, Justin Long did hold the whole thing together for me. I enjoyed seeing him as the lead and, if it were anybody else, I probably wouldn’t have made it to the end. You might just say he was the main ingredient in a footLONG sandwich. I’ll give the movie a 4 for entertainment, but will bump it up to a 6 due to it being a Justin Long vehicle, which I think we need more of. 

Total LONGitude
With a charm score of 7, a humor score of 5 and a total entertainment score of 6, it actually rates pretty high with a combined total of 18. I’ve never totalled scores before so I don’t really know what that means, but that seems like a solid number. Would I watch it again?, Sure, it would actually benefit from a rewatch. Does the good outweigh the bad? Um, yes because Justin Long is in this and he is all that is good in the world. Good AF as the kids say. Would I recommend you watch it? Well, if you were flipping through Netflix and it started to autoplay and then your remote broke, go ahead, there are worse ways to spend an evening. Due to Justin’s involvement, this movie does have LONGevity but that’s about all it has going for it. 

*In select theaters and on demand January 17th