Directed by Heidi Ewing
Written by Heidi Ewing and Alan Page Arriaga
Starring Armando Espitia, Christian Vazquez and Michelle Rodríguez
Running time: 1 hour and 51 minutes
MPAA rating: R for language and brief nudity

by Jaime Davis, The Fixer

Two men meet unexpectedly one night in Puebla, Mexico. Tucked away in a hidden gay club, they fall ever so delicately, and as it is in true rom-com fashion, It’s Complicated. Yet, I Carry You With Me isn’t a rom-com, nor is it even a traditional film. It exists in a world all its own.

For aspiring chef Iván (played in flashbacks by Armando Espitia) and educator Gerardo (played in flashbacks by Christian Vazquez), life isn’t easy being queer in Puebla. Sure there’s a gay scene but homophobia is as widely recognized and condoned as the number of Americans run on Dunkin’. Gerardo is out and slightly more experienced; Iván keeps his identity hidden as he has a child from a previous relationship and is trying to protect his right to see his son. Both men bear traumas at the hands of their overbearing fathers, who wouldn’t stand for anything less than typical “manly” behavior - it’s not enough to be straight - you have to be a “real man” as well. Iván, a struggling, wannabe cook whose work has kept him dish-washing and toilet-cleaning for the past year, doesn’t have a phone. Certainly the odds of getting together are stacked against them. But yet, despite the obstacles, they manage to forge something quite special that dramatically alters the course of both of their lives.

When the mother of Iván’s child, Paola, finds out about him and Gerardo, she tells Iván she doesn’t want him seeing their son again. At the same time, Iván is frustrated with his lack of prospects and opportunities in restaurants and decides to cross over, illegally, into the United States. He brings his friend Sandra with him, who just barely makes it over before eventually deciding to return to Mexico. Iván’s life in New York is lonely, cold and rough - he works multiple menial jobs to stay afloat. After a year of this, he tells Gerardo to forget about him but, and that’s the thing about love, Gerardo just won’t. Unable to secure a visa, he also crosses over into the US, building a life with Iván they never expected - more difficult at first but later much more fulfilling, as Iván begins his restaurant career, eventually opening 12 restaurants with Gerardo’s help. Iván maintains communication with his son but hasn’t seen him in 20 years - his son can’t get a visa to visit and if Iván goes back to Mexico, he can never return to the US, negating all of the hard work he and Gerardo put into their restaurants. It’s a completely bittersweet realization at the end of the film - the couple comes far, but circumstances only take them to a certain point. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

Director Heidi Ewing’s first foray into narrative storytelling is an interesting hybrid and one of a kind. She shot years worth of footage of her real-life friends Iván and Gerardo, before realizing it wouldn’t work quite the way she wanted to as a traditional documentary. Instead, she partnered with writer Alan Page Arriaga and the two conceived a narrative portion to predate Ewing’s existing footage of the couple in New York. In this way, I Carry You With Me melds narrative and documentary together, conceptualizing their first meeting and early years before switching over to more present-day reality. What couple wouldn’t want a narrative film version of the beginnings of their relationship that they could revisit again and again? It’s highly romantical. Flashbacks in this narrative portion make for compelling viewing, featuring beautiful and inventive techniques that had me floating in the purples and mauves of the Puebla sunrise. However, while I found the combination of the two styles an intriguing idea, they don’t always blend seamlessly. The two stories compete at times - sometimes I wanted to just stay in doc mode, other times I wanted to simply live in the past.

Despite these troubles, the film tells an important story of Latinx queer love in the face of self-acceptance and the challenges of living undocumented in America. As someone in a long-distance queer relationship with my wife, MJ’s resident Canadian Ashley Jane, I could relate all too well to the painful moments when Iván and Gerardo are separated (though we are much more privileged in our situation as we aren’t forced to live anywhere undocumented). At one point in the film Iván tells Gerardo (or is it the other way around?) that life is full of surprises, and “You are my surprise.” It’s a beautiful reminder that despite hardships and hatred and immigration rules and pandemics and racism and fascist governments and everything else that’s wrong with the world, love, in all its forms, is a gift we’re lucky to give and receive. I Carry You With Me is not perfect, but no love story is.

I Carry You With Me is set to release in January 2021, check back for more info soon on where to watch.