Directed by Jeff Fowler
Written by Josh Miller and Patrick Casey 
Starring Jim Carrey, Ben Schwartz and James Marsden 
Running time: 1 hour and 39 minutes 
MPAA Rating: PG for action, some violence, rude humor and brief mild language

*Writer’s Note: This is a 💘 Valentine 💘 of sorts. Being that this review is dropping on St. Valentine’s Day I thought it would be fun to share a love story along with my (time to hold on to your britches folks!) love for the super radical - Sonic the Hedgehog flick. xx - The Old Sport 

by Rosalie Kicks, Old Sport 

“I am a top banana in a world of monkeys.”

I fell in love with the Sonic the Hedgehog flick much in the way that I fell in love with my partner in crime, Benjamin Leonard aka MJ’s Best Boy… unexpectedly. 

PICTURE IT - 2005! After graduating from film school, there was only one logical destination- a video store. I got a job as a tape/disc slinger at West Coast Video (as featured in the 2008 hit, Be Kind Rewind) and this is where I met my future husband, Benjamin James Leonard. Leading up to my first shift with Ben there was a consistent message from my fellow Coasters, “Wait ‘til you work with Ben.” I was unsure if this was supposed to excite, thrill, terrify or instill dread in me. There was one thing I did know: “Wait ‘til he works with Kicks.” 

Upon arriving for my first shift with Ben, he greeted me by extending out his hand, “You must be Rosalie, I’m Ben!” while standing atop the checkout counters. He then sauntered away ever so casually, strolling the countertop like one walks their pup in the park on a relaxing Sunday afternoon. I never witnessed someone so confident in their own skin. I also never met a person that had so much disregard for the rules of a workplace. I should have known from the moment he answered the store phone with the salutation, “West Coast Video - your monkey movie store” that I was in trouble. He had me with the words: monkey movie.

To anyone that knows me, the old sport, personally this statement shall come as no surprise: I love monkey movies and immerse myself in film news around the clock. I kinda understand (but don’t) if the Sonic news may have not hit everyone’s radar, but it was on mine. A few months back, the Sonic production was making waves after the studio made the decision to dump an additional five million bones into the already bloated ninety million dollar budget. This turning money into literal ash was due to the public’s reaction to a set of chompers. These TEETH caused much hysteria and panic across the countryside far and wide which inevitably led to the conclusion for many that this would be a box office bomb and lead to mass destruction. 

I went into the screening of Sonic the Hedgehog, with the same mindset that I went into West Coast Video on that fateful first shift with Benjamin James Leonard - anticipating an absolute shit show. Let me not lead you astray dear reader, I for one am always up for a good old fashioned shit show. 

Bloody hell! I could not have been more wrong about this movie. To understand exactly how I feel about the Sonic the Hedgehog flick, I suggest that you listen to My Favorite Things sung by Mary Poppins. Any future unplanned trips to Bummer Town can easily be diverted. For when I am feeling sad, I will simply conjure up my blue haired pal and then I won’t feel so bad. I was not expecting Sonic the Hedgehog to be filled with all of my favorite things in the world: donuts, task lists, 90s Jim Carrey, baseball, spying, a mushroom plot, tunes of anarchy, small towns, dive bars, wacky scenic destination travel spots, INSURANCE, conspiracy theories à la X-Files and corny dad jokes. The ultimate surprise was learning Sonic is also a movie lover. When teenage Sonic is spying on his future parents while they are watching Speed and remarks that Keanu Reeves’ is a “national treasure”... well, my heart just sung. I’m tellin’ ya, this picture has it all! 

OK, sure the plot theoretically could be simplified by giving Sonic an iphone, a quick tutorial of google maps, buying him a bus ticket and presto! he is on his merry way in search of his lost rings. But where’s the fun in that? A lil’ flim flam or razzle dazzle never hurt anyone, at least not seriously. Besides, it is a CHILDREN’S FILM remember? Shit gotta stay simple: Teenage Sonic is an orphan in the small town of Green Hill, Montana, he’s on the run (always), hides out in a cave with awesome stuff (he has a bean bag chair!) and now he lost his precious rings, the government is on his tail hoping to catch him and dissect him like an eighth grade science class and he needs help leaving Earth. Along the way he finds a family that is willing to buy him a race car bed and take him to Olive Garden*...  well that’s just gravy on top of an epic story my friends and I have no qualms with it. 

This is the buddy comedy movie we all need in our lives right now. James Marsden as a small town donut lovin’ Montana cop, Tom Wachowski and Sonic (Ben Schwartz aka Jean Ralphio of Parks and Recreation aka my friend Katie’s three-legged cat) make for the perfect road trip bucket listin’ duo. Even Jim Carrey is great! His portrayal of evil lord, Dr. Ivo Robotnik is pure cinema magic. His performance is like a gateway back to the nineties, a time before our dumpster fire of a prez, soda taxes and twitter. In the nineties we had ”athletic” swishy pants, mindless Carrey comedies, beepers and bagel bites. This flick managed to make me forget about my worries and concerns for an hour and thirty nine minutes. I had an absolute blast and was fortunate enough to experience it with my partner in crime. 

My only hope is that I have articulated to you the immense joy this film brought me. Now, I am off to my Valentine’s day soiree - an evening at home with my sweetheart and SEGA mini; a purchase I made within twenty four hours after viewing this film. *Olive Garden has now been mentioned in two films that I have seen in the past couple weeks. This along with Birds of Prey and I would like to just go on the record that I believe that when you are there, you really are family. Also the breadsticks are YES.