Directed by Katrine Philp
Running time: 1 hour and 28 minutes

by Ashley Jane Davis, Staff Writer

“What makes you feel mad, sad or embarrassed about your person dying?”

How do you explain grief? Beautiful Something Left Behind is a documentary from director Katrine Philp that presents grief entirely through the eyes of children. In it, we spend time with a group of children, each of whom has lost one or both parents to death at a young age. The kids are enrolled in a peer support program run by Good Grief, a non-profit organization in New Jersey providing support and advocacy for families affected by death. While watching, I had the slowest, longest, most real and consistent cry I’ve ever had in my whole life. 

Death is a subject even grown adults would rather avoid. We use euphemisms to soften the sting, out of respect for others, but what if we discussed it more honestly? What if we had the courage to tear down the stigma, loneliness and isolation of grief and were just there for each other? Religions cite token teachings to reason why it’s okay or even good that death happens, but simply do not give tools to cope with the realities death brings to our present life. My favourite part about this documentary is that it is not preachy or manipulative. Not in the slightest. We don’t hear from experts or doctors or priests or the folks running the establishment – no talking heads. We just hear from kids. We hear each of their stories and we watch them try to make sense of their grief. Their expressions are charming, realistic, humorous, unrehearsed, touching and heartbreaking, just like life. 

Good Grief is a safe place for children. It is a place where they can communicate their feelings, or choose not to, if they aren’t ready. They can express their emotions in tangible ways – whether it be through art projects, performance, screaming, crying or just observing. There is a room with a hospital bed where they can say goodbye to a teddy bear patient and a sandbox where they can act out a funeral with toys. By using these tools available to them, we watch these children embrace healthy ways to share, cope, and build resilience to be able to continue on, especially knowing - most importantly - that they are not alone. 

The truly moving thing to me is that every child is allowed to believe what they want regarding where their dead loved ones are, and no one is corrected. Can you really say with a certainty what happens when we die? I can’t – I don’t know. And that’s okay. Beliefs are shared as a means to understand someone else’s grief. The care and emotional maturity of these kids is astounding. No one tells anyone how to feel or act. This quality of unmotivated acceptance is something that we seem to totally lose as adults, as many of us just love to critique the way anyone else does, well, anything. I always feel like I want to learn from the way kids see the world, and I have never felt that more than I have while watching this.

My mom died when I was 12 years old. I will never forget my nerves before the first day back at school after her death, and I will never forget how it took a whole school year to remember that she would not be in her room when I went to say hi to her after school each day. In my heart, I was there in the room with these kids. One difference, in my situation, was that I was always told that I would never die, a key teaching of the high control religious group I was raised in. I had a very confusing concept of death that I could never reconcile. I wouldn’t die… well then, why did my mom have to die? My mom’s death hurt because I would no longer see her in this life and in her body, but it hurt even more because my grief was constantly used as a bargaining chip by adults and family members I trusted to make sure I would live up to the unattainable standards of the life chosen for me. From that day on, it was a race to see what would give in first – my put-on faith, my true self or my physical life. Grief was not dealt with; it was used as fuel to burn through my doubts to get to *maybe* see my very wonderful mom again.

The reason I’m sharing this is to add that there are so many damaging side effects of death beyond the obvious separation from someone you love. We cannot grieve for others and life goes on through grief. However, these children reminded me that we can successfully cope and be there for others, even without the perfect words to say. There are no perfect words. 

This documentary is beyond beautiful and I wish everyone I know would watch it. I wish my brother and sister would watch it. Whatever beliefs you have about death, dealing with grief is inevitable. I wish I could have gone to Good Grief as a child, but more than that, I wish I could tell every single one of these kids (Kimmy, Nicky, Peter, Nora, Nolan and Mikayla) that they have helped me. I healed from deep wounds more in the 90 minutes I spent with these kids and helpers at Good Grief than I have in 20 years. Beautiful Something Left Behind is a total gift.

Beautiful Something Left Behind is available to watch in virtual cinemas beginning January 8.