by A. Freedman, Staff Writer

In anticipation of Halloween Kills, I wanted to get a better look at the wild, chaotic world of Halloween sequels. We all know what number one of the whole series is. But where do the others stack up? It's a franchise where sequels, reboots and one offs have spun into at least five different timelines, resulting in a "Choose Your Own Adventure" style of film watching, as one of our fearless leaders, Ryan, put it. The underlying connective tissue is that Michael Myers kills–a lot. When you think he's dead, he's not.

Of the big three golden age horror movie franchises (along with Friday The 13th and A Nightmare On Elm Street), the Halloween series struggled most to get the sequels right. By focusing so much on world building and mythology, they were continually writing themselves into corners that were hard to get out of. Its peer franchises instead focused on simple continuity of character- knowing what fans were really showing up for when they came to the movies. Nevertheless, the sequels have plenty of fans- and many of their plot points and character details persist in the fan canon, despite the 2018 reboot/sequel's attempt to restore the factory settings.

Nevertheless, it's fun to put all of these disparate children together and see how they compare. Without further ado, the Halloween sequels, ranked!

10. Halloween (dir. Rob Zombie, 2005)

Also known as Rob Zombie's Halloween, this is a remake and a vision entirely of Zombie's. You wouldn't think an extensive journey into Michael's childhood would work, but here, it does! The first half is entirely a journey through the past, and Zombie–a gifted visionary who tends to make interesting choices, if not the right ones–populates the film with haunting, brutal moments and a colorful cast of character actors. That's why it's sad when the second half, the part where Michael catches up with Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor Compton), becomes a profoundly unpleasant shaky cam mess of brutal killings no different than your average twitchy 2000's horror film. Zombie can certainly lean into misogyny as a horror trope (a charitable explanation at best), but Halloween takes it too far. It's simply gross and not enjoyable. Not only is this the worst Halloween movie, but also Zombie's worst.

9. Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers (1dir. Dominique Othenin-Girard, 1989)

Filmed and released within a six month span following the modest success of Halloween 4, this follow up is frequently ranked close to the bottom of the series. Most of it is Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance, of course) screaming at a selectively mute, traumatized child (Danielle Harris), which audiences only have so much of a taste for. Despite its general awfulness, including a B plot–"the man in black” that doesn't get remotely explained until the next sequel six years later–this is one of the funnier ones, albeit unintentionally. Pleasance is at it his most unhinged, continuing his one man injury-based physical comedy show that started in Halloween 4. It doesn't belong in so-bad-it's-good territory, but it hues closer to the fun absurdity of the Friday The 13th sequels than any of the other ones.

8. Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers (dir. Joe Chappelle, 1995)

Introducing Paul Stephen Rudd as the grown up Tommy Doyle (one of Laurie's little babysitting cherubs on that fateful night), Curse is a movie that could have only come out in 1995. The classic Carpenter score sounds like it was filtered through a Metal Zone pedal by a 15 year old at Guitar Center. There is an of-its-time post-grunge song that sounds like a rejected Soundgarden b-side. It is also still trying, against all odds, to cram some celtic mythology into the origin story of Michael Myers, but it never seems to figure into the actual core of the story. It just gets shared in random bits of exposition, like cheap Ragu sauce trying to coat some wet spaghetti noodles with flavor. After all is said and done, it's just Michael Myers walking after people and killing them anyway. What more do you need to know? The following year, Scream would come out and revitalize the horror genre, inspiring its creators to look inward and embrace tropes and meta self awareness, none of which you'll find in Curse: the death rattle of a dying breed of studio horror.

7. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (dir. Steve Miner, 1998)

Nestled amongst the post-Scream horror boom was H20, a sequel to a film that directly inspired Scream- and produced by screenwriter Kevin Williamson.While the title suggests a "back to basics" re-setting, H20- ignoring the previous four sequels- would have been better titled H17, as it feels much more of a sequel to Halloween II. But then they would have missed the opportunity for that zingy title. H20! Halloween...water? Get it? Get it?...A few good scenes aside, H20 is a fairly lukewarm, by the numbers horror film for the WB era. At 84 minutes (including credits), it still feels long.

6. Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers (dIr. Dwight H. Little, 1988)

After John Carpenter and Debra Hill failed to convince the public that they wanted the Halloween franchise to become standalone stories that had nothing to do with Michael Myers, the pair cut ties with all things Halloween, freeing the way for producer Moustapha Akkad to give the people back what they wanted all along. Directed by journeyman Dwight H. Little, the "back to basics" (how many other movies in this series can be described the same way?) tenth anniversary sequel is a mostly solid grabbing of the franchise reins. Despite having a famously atrocious mask, Michael ups the body count considerably while going on the hunt for his niece Jamie (Danielle Harris). The last 25 minutes are strong, with Michael easily dispatching a truck full of gun crazy vigilantes before getting shot down a mine shaft. All before a crazy kicker of an ending, which allows Donald Pleasance to take his biggest bite of scenery yet.

5. Halloween: Resurrection (dIr. Rick Rosenthal, 2002)

This is the one I might go to hell for. I like Resurrection more than pretty much anyone else I have ever met, and the reason is simple; it's different! It tries some stuff! Sure, it commits a ghastly bit of retconning and emotional damage in its first ten minutes by finally killing off Laurie Strode. But then, we are quickly thrust into the world of "Dangertainment," an internet live-streamed reality show created by a guy named Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes...yes), where he has a bunch of randos try to "survive" a night in Michael Myers' childhood home on Halloween night. Most of the film is about the violent voyeurism that would soon define the era of YouTube and cell phone videos, many years before either of those came around. I wouldn't say it is a smart movie with interesting things to say, except...well, it kind of is! Even a broken clock etc. etc.

4. Halloween II (dir. Rick Rosenthal, 1981)

A movie that John Carpenter probably never wanted to make, but the massive success of the original demanded. He wrote the script over a six pack of beer mostly in one night, and it shows- any attempt the movie makes at establishing backstory (including the reveal that Laurie is Michael's sister!), it backs away from just as quickly. All the while it is, at its core, a solid 80's slasher. With gorier kills, a higher body count, and a stupider cast of characters, Halloween II is an imitation of Halloween's imitators- which were already many in the few short years since its release.

3. Halloween (dir. David Gordon Green, 2018)

After lying dormant for 17 years, the Halloween franchise was finally revived by Jason Blum and chameleon director David Gordon Green. This time, it said goodbye to all of the sequels altogether. Following up only the original, and this time with John Carpenter back in the producer and composer seats. Jamie Lee Curtis plays a survivalist, doomsday prepper with an estranged daughter (her third different child in the series, by my count) and granddaughter. Though it got mixed reviews, the direction is strong and the script by Danny McBride actually has some ideas in it. It almost serves as a warning to anyone who gets their hands on the Halloween franchise in the future: try to explain why he's evil, invest in some backstory, or even think about getting him to talk, and you will probably live (or not live) to regret it. He's evil. It's that simple.

2. Halloween II (dir. Rob Zombie, 2009)

Zombie's first go around was way at the bottom of this list, so I was surprised as anyone when the sequel was so excellent. The opening segment in the hospital, soundtracked almost entirely by a never-ending version of "Nights In White Satin," is etched into my memory as a beautifully psychedelic movie watching experience you wouldn't usually expect from a Halloween movie. I guess with the setup out of the way, it was time for Zombie to have some fun, throwing in classic rock needle drops and majestic hallucinatory visuals to go along with the brutality. He just makes it his own, 100%, and I love it for that. It is one of the best sequels of the series, and probably the best Rob Zombie film.

1. Halloween III: Season Of The Witch (dir. Tommy Lee Wallace, 1982)

The best sequel and it isn't particularly close. I don't blame audiences for rejecting this when it came out, it probably would have been better off left out of the series and released as something else entirely. With Tom Atkins starring as the pinnacle of masculine prowess (and perhaps a stand in for grizzly, jaded John Carpenter) out to save the world from...a brand of deadly, magic infused Halloween masks made by a company in a Celtic factory town in Northern California?...It shouldn't work, but it really does, for me. One of the best parts is when Atkins, tied up in a Halloween mask, has to kick out a television screen to use the broken glass to free himself. What's playing on the television? John Carpenter's Halloween. It seemed like the man wanted to do something, anything but Michael Myers- and when it was rejected in full, he said sayonara. Time has been extremely kind to this one, and the cult of Halloween III has only grown stronger with each year.