Chapter 079: Graduation
Next episode airs tonight, 8pm eastern

by Rosalie Kicks, Old Sport 

“What’s gonna happen to us?”

Well, my fellow Riverdale devotees, I hope you brought your tissues for this one ‘cause you are going to need them.

Before we get to the tears, though, let's discuss the elephant in the room: The Auteur. There is no way in heaven that I am buying that Jellybean is the mastermind behind this plan. She may have had some ruffians and cohorts from Riverdale to assist her with her movie making schemes, but come on, this is Riverdale and nothing is that simple. I think Bughead is gonna find they’ll be reopening this case down the road. At least, next time when they are looking into the matter, they will have an actual sheriff to partner with, being that Tom Keller is back on the scene. Not that I am approving of law enforcement, but Tom seems like a good egg.

Then there was the graduation. Fortunately for Juggie, he learns that he will be walking with his class after all. As for Archie, his news isn’t as celebratory. Not even summer school is going to help him catch up. So it looks like he will find himself back in the halls of Riverdale for another year. Was it just me or did anyone else find it incredibly tacky that Principal Weatherbee still asked him to sing the graduation song? Yeaaaaa, no thank you. At least he had one more romp in the hay with Ronnie.

I forgot all about that awkward song moment when I saw Jughead in suspenders. This was YES and somehow managed to make Juggie even more adorable. However, I have to admit FP (Skeet Ulrich) kinda killed the moment with his talk of Toledo. He literally rides off on his cycle with Jellybean in the sidecar into the sunset leaving Alice (Mädchen Amick) in the dust. Seeing him leave the show has had me in bummertown all week. Sigh.

But I don’t think anything hit me quite as hard as when Juggie threw his beanie into the time capsule. I meannnnn is he even Jughead anymore? In the words of Ronnie, maybe I am being a bit “dramatique”. Here’s the thing though, it was not Archie deciding to join the military, the break up of Choni or Bughead or Varchie that brought me to tears… it was Archie and the gang’s complete abandonment to their agreement.

Before the gang all go their separate ways, they agreed to meet in one year at Pop’s. Only Jughead shows up and wellll, my heart broke for him. After he takes the last bites of burger and sips of his milkshake (OMGGGGG! I have been wanting a milkshake for months, by the way, since watching this show) he remarks that it would be six years until they all see one another again. There is a quick flash of each one’s destiny: Juggie as a Stephen King-esque author, Betty living that Clarice Starling life, Ronnie married and with diamonds and Archie in fatigues. 

I never expected a show like this to go in this direction and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Going into chapter 079, I thought this season was going to be the run of the mill college years. I think with the decision to jump time like this has made things a lot more interesting. The actors will now be playing their age and I have many theories of what’s to come that include: scandalous affairs and of course more milkshakes. Although there will have to be more than Pop’s burgers (well except for Juggie of course) that will bring them all back to Riverdale. What if it is The Auteur?