by Matthew and Chassidy Crump

Nostalgia is a powerful sensation, one that I always seem to underestimate. I’m not sure anything could have prepared me for the amount of dopamine that would flood my neurotransmitters during the 15-second opening title sequence of Spy Kids. Before I even saw the words “Directed by Robert Rodriguez” I was already teleported back to being a kid again. My brain no longer knew where I was or who’d I’d become, the single piece of my identity that it was able to retain is that I fucking LOVE Spy Kids.

Another possible side effect of nostalgia is its ability to cloud your judgement. In an effort to combat my primal desire to just say THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE and call it a day, I’ve decided to bring in another extremely biased connoisseur of the Spy Kids franchise: my sister. While I was essentially blacked out from riding my nostalgia high, my older sister Chassidy somehow kept me tethered to the Earth by using the chat feature of Teleparty, excerpts of which I will be using in today’s revisiting of this cinematic classic.

“This movieissogood. my space bar isfucking up” -Chass’ reaction to the opening

Indeed, it is. Before we can really delve into this though, I feel like it’s important for a little context about me and my sister’s dynamic growing up. We didn’t live in the same household, so when we did finally see each other it often felt like a chaotic whirlwind of making up lost time. For example, instead of “let’s play pretend” it was “let’s dress you up in my flower girl dress, rename you Mattie, and perform a wedding ceremony with the cat.” On those rare and coveted days together, our docket would include everything in excess and the most extreme corners of our imagination. So the Spy Kids franchise was perfect for us. 

An older sister/younger brother dynamic + two separate households worth of Spy Kids Happy Meal™ toys + the playset in our grandparent’s backyard = endless opportunity to cosplay as Carmen and Juni. The cultural impact the films had with the “Oh shiiiiiiiiiiii-take mushrooms” line alone is enough to cement its place in the american film canon, but if that’s not enough it also offered a source of of empowerment to an entire generation of children, helping them consider that maybe it’s possible to get along with your annoying sibling after all.

“that was a lot … i need to lie down” -Chass’ thoughts on the plot

Even though the title is fairly self-explanatory, in case you haven’t seen it, Spy Kids follows siblings Carmen and Juni Cortez, who, despite being told a very detailed bedtime story about their parents being spies for their entire lives, are surprised to find out that their parents are, in fact, spies. 

After 9 years without any missions, their parents come out of retirement from OSS (a secret spy organization that I was today-years-old when I found out it wasn’t real) when agents begin to go missing in connection to Juni’s favorite morning cartoon show, Floop’s Fooglies. Mama and Papa Cortez leave their children in the care of their Uncle Felix and get snatched up by Floop almost immediately, at which point Carmen and Juni are blasted off in an underwater automated spy submarine by Felix (who is also not really their uncle) to escape Floop’s mutant henchmen (the infamous thumb-thumbs) that are currently raiding their home for this thing their dad made when he was a spy gadget inventor (The Third Brain) which Floop wants to use to unleash an army of robot children (also called Spy Kids) on his quest for world domination, meaning these two actual spy kids (as in the children of spies) gotta stop that from happening. Obviously.  

“that boy grew up to nail megan whats her name” -Chass’ thoughts on casting

Alexa Vega (Carmen) and Daryl Sabara (Juni) shared a pretty significant amount of TV experience between them before they earned their spot in what some people have come to refer to as The Godfather of children’s film franchises (I’m some people). And, yes, it is true that Daryl Sabara not only nailed Meghan* Trainor, but he also married and had a kid by her. Alexa Vega went on to do the same with Carlos Pena of Big Time Rush, except she had two kids and did that cool 21st century thing where you combine your last name with your spouse’s, meaning she and Carlos are building their empire together as the PenaVega’s. 

The adult cast members who signed up to live in these children’s shadows are also quite esteemed, many of which were already regulars in director Robert Rodriguez’s circle. You have Carla Gugino (Mama Cortez), Antonia Banderas (Papa Cortez), Alan Cumming (Floop, a surprisingly multi-dimensional villain), Tony Shalhoub (Floop’s back-stabbing four-faced assistant, pre-Monk fame), and, of course, Danny Trejo in his very first appearance as Machete. It doesn’t get much better than that.

“what if they had thumb tits?” -Chass on character development

Personally, I believe the thumb-thumbs are Robert Rodriguez’s greatest gift to the film industry (even though that one thumb-thumb nurse is unnecessarily gendered). Chassidy disagrees. They “scare” her and are “body horror” and “shouldn’t have a nail for a face” but obviously she just doesn’t understand art. 

If the thumb-thumbs integration into society in the film’s final scene isn’t enough proof, there are a ton of satisfying character arcs in Spy Kids. Despite only having a few scenes, Machete’s choice to reunite with the family (and then go on a murderous rampage with his own movie nine years later) pulls on the heartstrings hard enough that his character ends up leaving one of the strongest impressions. Floop is another stand-out. Where most children’s movies establish a pretty unlikable and one-dimensional villain, Floop’s arc is one rich in betrayal, introspection, and redemption. Above all else though, the most poignant moments from the film by far are carried by Juni and Carmen Elizabeth Juanita Echo Sky Bravo Cortez.

“damn carmen … sorry about that lol” -Chass on the sibling dynamic

When we were younger, my sister would pull me into impossible competitions of strength and endurance strategically designed to highlight our 4-year age gap: Who can run faster? Who can jump highest on the trampoline? Who can swing higher on the playset? It was always the same answer: Chassidy. And if you ever whined or even so much as breathed a word that undermined her supreme older sibling authority, it was wet willie city. Much like Carmen and Juni, Chass knew it was her duty to keep her younger brother in line, and she did so with a kind of tenacity and fierce love that I still admire her for to this day.

The choice to push the divisive dynamic between an older sister and younger brother beyond the “ugh, he’s so annoying” and actually require the siblings to team up and bond is something that was surprisingly rare from the era. Shows like That’s So Raven and Lizzie McGuire often gave the siblings entirely separate plot lines, only crossing over when the little brother was getting in the way. In the first film, Juni is depicted less as a one-dimensional pest and more sensitive and vulnerable, which ultimately is what offers us deeper insight into Carmen’s hardened exterior. 

She might pretend like she doesn’t care about Juni, but each time their lives are in danger, she rises to the occasion and proves that she loves him more than anything. Neither of us had the language for it when we were kids, but I think this story about a brother and sister who learn they are each other’s greatest strength made Chassidy and I feel very seen. They also kick some major ass together, which we still do on the daily in the form of heated Facebook comments on all the conservative shit our family posts.

“this is feminism ladies” -Chass on the film’s subversive themes

Let’s start with Carmen. She’s a feminist icon. That shouldn’t require an explanation but I’ll provide one anyway. At one point in the movie, right after they’ve found out their parents are spies and are exploring their super decked-out family safe house, Carmen finds a pocketbook guide to being a good spy, reading aloud, “A good spy puts himself— herself in the mindset of the opponent.” She spends the whole movie, nay, the whole franchise, refusing to take anyone’s bullshit as she navigates the male-dominated industry of the OSS. And we love her for it.

“well... I think I see some relatability for you” -Chass on the film’s challenging of gender norms

Juni is another interesting case study. In the first film he is depicted as a sensitive, klutzy kid who carries around his Floop “action figure” and wraps his fingers up in colorful band-aids everyday to try and get rid of his warts. In a lot of ways, it feels like Juni subverts a lot of the gender roles that get put onto boys at such a young age. While it’s likely a lot of this was either unintentional or a result of giving Carmen more clear older sibling superiority, it’s something that certainly made me connect to his character more as a kid. With the follow up films, a lot more masculine pressure seems to inform his character, but Juni’s subversion of gender roles is undeniable in the first installment. Perhaps this is best highlighted by Floop’s final words of wisdom to his new mentee: “You won today, Juni. And not because you were the biggest of the strongest, but because you were pure of heart and mind.”

“cue my bisexual confusion” -Chass on the film’s queer-coding (and Carla Gugino looking like this)

First of all: Alan Cumming. Not to pigeonhole him, but if you’re casting Alan Cumming you’re getting gay subversion. Floop is 1) a single bachelor, 2) has impeccable style, 3) lives in a gorgeous post-modern castle in the middle of the ocean, 4) works for a man named Mr. Lisp, 5) has an art degree (ok this is an assumption but just look at his talent for sculpting), and 6) has his mutated captured OSS spies open his children’s TV show by sliding down on a rainbow. 

We’re just scratching the surface here. At least once he is described as “fabulous” and later he literally says, “I can’t think straight enough to figure this out.” Just when you think he’s going to be the typical hays code era villain, he reaches a moral impasse and, with a little encouragement from Juni, comes out on the other side a much better person. His final attempt to right all his wrongs also involves a “binary switch” that ultimately saves the day. At this point, the queerness is so overt I’m not even sure it can count as coding.

“me too kid” -Chass on children’s empowerment

Overall though, perhaps the biggest, recurring subversive theme of the film is giving power back to kids. Let’s face it, being a kid can feel miserable sometimes. Almost all of us are guilty of at one point or another delivering that cliched “I can’t WAIT until I grow up” line and meaning it with every fiber of our being. This movie works to alleviate some of that pressure, creating a world where the kids get the chance to save the parents for once. And I haven’t even mentioned how it was two latinx kids doing the saving! If it weren’t for this movie, I probably would have never been brave enough to start doing front flips on my grandma’s trampoline. I’m not sure there’s a greater impact than that.

“imagine having parents who loved each other” -Chass on the film’s familial themes

I’m not going to unpack this one too much (that’s what Chassidy and I have each other for) but it is undeniable that Spy Kids carries some strong familial messages. Is it cheesy? Yes. Did I almost cry at the final scene which involved George Clooney for some reason? Also yes.

“Wow, I’m glad I rewatched this” -Chass’ overall thoughts

Obviously we both love this movie. Hopefully it is also now obvious that there’s a lot to love. Despite talking literally every single day, Chassidy and I haven’t been able to spend much quality time together in over a year due to a combination of travel anxiety, millennials hating to talk on the phone, living 9 hours apart, and a worldwide pandemic. So getting the chance to sit down with her over this beautiful, goofy movie really meant a lot to me.

It’s funny how you can know someone your whole life and still learn new things about them. For example, she learned that I am unreasonably attracted to Tony Shalhoub. I discovered Chass has a fear of peeling off fake moustaches, particularly the tiny one Antonio Banderas kept insisting on taking on and off. She learned that I am so bad at math that I convinced myself I was 2 years older than I actually am based solely on the release date of the first Spy Kids (I know I just wrote a whole article dedicated to the anniversary, but something still isn’t adding up with these last 20 years). After the 5th connection she made between the movie’s set design and Star Trek, I learned that she’s a huge fuckin nerd (jk sis, already knew that one ♥).

Anyway, this movie slaps. If you’ve made it this far and still aren’t convinced, I don’t have anything left for you except this song which is objectively the best product of Alan Cumming’s recording career. Just count yourself lucky that I didn’t expand this even longer and discuss the complexities of the entire film franchise. The Sparknotes of my Spy Kids Franchise thesis is that Willem Dafoe carries most of Spy Kids 2 on his back with that line (you know the one), Spy Kids 3D was all graphics and only 15 minutes of Carmen (misogynistic? probably), and Spy Kids 4 (yes, that happened) had Jessica Alba and at least 20 poop jokes. They are all iconic in their own right, but nothing will ever be able to hit quite like the original. When it comes to Spy Kids, nostalgia is recommended, but by no means required.

“I wanna be a spy bridesmaid” -Chass on the credits