by Matthew Crump, Staff Writer

Ten years ago, I made a vow to have and to hold a little pink DVD that I got on a Black Friday sale. I’ve brought that DVD to countless slumber parties, packed it away on road trips, and moved into half a dozen different homes with it. In a world that doesn’t stop moving, that spinning DVD has been my one constant. 10 years ago I made a vow, to honor and to cherish the movie Bridesmaids for as long we both shall live.

If you haven’t seen Bridesmaids, then that’s an obvious sign we haven’t met. For those of you that haven’t had the pleasure, I will fill you in. Bridesmaids opens with Annie (Kristen Wiig) riding a complete and total toolbag’s dick (John Hamm, even though apparently he chose to go uncredited because he is too big of an ac-tor). Anyway, Annie has just come out of a pretty bad break-up and is still trying to bounce back from her small business in Milwaukee tanking. When she’s not avoiding her incestuous British roommates or failing to compete with Kahlua’s love-is-eternal face at her job in a jeweler’s, she tries to steal free yoga sessions from Terry Crews in the park with her childhood best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph). 

Lillian gets proposed to by a man named Dougie (idk the actor but what an unfortunate name) and, despite “having some other options,” asks Annie to be her maid of honor without any hesitation. Those other options include Lillian’s cousin Rita (Wendi McLendon-Covey), her work friend Becca (Ellie Kemper), sister-in-law Megan (Melissa McCarthy), and her newest, richest, fakest, and most loathsome friend, Helen (Rose Byrne). As Annie tries to bring this rag tag group of women together while simultaneously balancing her life's own hurdles, her many plunders as MOH leave her closest and longest friendship with Lillian in jeopardy.

Great, now that we’ve caught all the people living under a rock for the last decade up to speed, let’s get to it: 

I’ve been spreading the gospel of Kristen Wiig since she was cast on SNL, but when she starred in her first lead with Bridesmaids in 2011 my devotion to her doubled down. At this point, my friends dread having to watch it with me because they know I’m going to quote each and every line in perfect unison with the entire cast. I have to be physically restrained when someone suggests Bridesmaids for a movie night. My passion for this movie turns me into a nuisance, a public enemy, a downright monster. One time, a friend’s boyfriend told me he didn’t like the film. I broke up with him on her behalf. I will stop at nothing to protect Bridesmaids.

Why is this movie so important? The long answer is that it’s a feminist hallmark that offers a provacative, unashamed, and honest portrayal of a group of women each dealing with their own nuanced personal struggles within a subgenre of comedy that complex women are historically written out of. The short answer is that it’s funny as fuck. A scene where five women get the shits in a white carpeted bridal store? Revolutionary.

The impact of producer Judd Apatow and director Paul Feig must also be credited. Bridesmaids seems to mark their first reunion since their 1999 cult sleeper hit show, and one of my personal favorites, Freaks and Geeks. Both Feig and Apatow would go on to make countless blockbuster comedies between them, helping define the raunchy comedy subgenre of the new millennium. Bridesmaids’ stellar cast is also clearly a beneficiary of Feig and Apatow’s circle, while also expanding it with actresses like Rose Bryne and Melissa McCarthy who would go on to be nominated for Best Supporting Actress for the role of Megan. Kristen Wiig’s main co-star and long-time SNL skit partner, Maya Rudolph, commented on the comedic chemistry during filming, saying,“You know when you’re going to have a fun night with your friends and there was a lot of that feeling on set.” 

Beyond that though, the real star of the show is Kristen Wiig. I know my extreme bias for her has been pre-established but hang with me here. She gives nearly perfect physical comedy, side-splitting monologues, and endless one-liners all while maintaining a sense of emotional depth in her character. Not only did Wiig co-write the script with Annie Mumolo (known also for their more recent Barb and Star Take Vista Del Mar fame), but she also flawlessly executes a vulnerable performance that raunchy comedy flicks like this rarely attempt. Annie’s countless personal misgivings make her one of the more relatable comedic protagonists we’ve seen, and her depressive episode that ultimately brings the merry-go-round of hysterics to a halt in the final act is where the film finds its heart. 

Being an avid fan of Wiig’s work, I’ve noticed a trend in her comedy taking more serious detours into topics surrounding mental health. The Skeleton Twins, Girl Most Likely, and Welcome to Me are just a few examples of films she’s led playing neurodivergent protagonists. I know I don’t actually know Kristen Wiig, and I likely never will, but there’s something that feels very personal about the leading roles she started to take after leaving behind the comfort of her goofy, lovable caricatures in her SNL skits. Whether it’s been intentional or not, her attempt to offer some levity and humor to complex characters in spite of their dark mental states has pulled me out of a lot of dark mental states of my own. That comedic resiliency is something that Annie gave to me and, based on Wiig’s performance, is something I would venture to guess she also gave to her.

I would say this film also helped me develop a deeper respect and love for all women, but then I remember Helen. Goddamn do I hate Helen. I’m not sure there’s a character anywhere else in all of film history that I despise more. It could simply be because she is the decided antagonist to a protagonist that I connected to on a deep, personal level, but it could also be that she is just fucking god awful. I hate her so much that when Rose Byrne pops up in a movie, I immediately root for her character to die. The fact that I had to watch her live through not one, but TWO movies in the Insidious franchise was a massive disappointment. I can’t even think about the way she says “quarter” without my skin crawling.

If you don’t understand the vehemence I have toward Helen, you probably are a Helen. And you are NOT invited to watch my most prized pink DVD with me while I talk along with every single character to the point where the film viewing experience is near-torture… On second thought, only Helens are invited to watch Bridesmaids with me from now on. As a form of atonement.

Some people say the most quotable movie is The Princess Bride, others will go to the grave that it’s Mean Girls. I rarely feel passionate enough about a film to commit its dialogue to memory, so the fact that I have all of Bridesmaids stored up in my noggin makes me feel like it’s time to introduce it as a contender in the fight for Most Quotable Movie of All Time. That being said, I leave you now with a concise-as-possible list of the best quotes from Bridesmaids. Enjoy.

• “Pink lemonade. Nice touch… Goddammit that is good. Shhhit, that is fresh.”

• “I’ve got a new tube top, I want to cut the tags off. I need to take advantage of this opportunity.”

• “Did you let him sleep over... in your mouth?”

• “Yeah, ‘oh shit.’ I took a hard, hard violent fall. Kind of pinballed down. Hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit.”

• “Why can’t ya be more like Kalhua?”

• “BrrRmMF” (the sound Melissa McCarthy makes when she’s about the throw up)

• “No—no way, in hell, I mean, no thanks.”

• “I’m glad he’s single because I’m gonna climb him like a tree.”

• “Oh you’re from Milwaukee? I’m sorry.”

• “Why can’t you be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back like a NORMAL PERSON?!”

• “I took nine. I took nine. Yeah. I did slightly overcommit to the whole dog thing. It turns out I'm probably more comfortable with six.”

• “CAROL! Get your shit together Carol!”

• “[My son] said, ‘mom, why don’t you go and fuck yourself?’ He’s nine.”

• “Female fight club… We beat the shit out of her. We just fucking attack.”

• “Jesus, Megan.” (Works particularly well if you have a friend named Megan)

• “You know what? That reminds me, I never got a chance to try that FUCKING COOKIE.”

• “I’m sure she greets him in the evening beaver first.” (Rest in peace Jill Clayburgh <3)

• “It’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening… it happened…... it happened.”

• Most of what Chris O’Dowd says in his Irish accent but, most notably, “Fun stuff.”

• “Well you’re a little c*nt.”

• “Help me, I’m poor.”

• Every. Single. Other line from the plane scene.

• And, finally, “Fuck off, Helen.”