Directed by Jimmy Giannopoulos
Written by Diomedes Raul Bermudez, Shiloh Fernandez, Jimmy Giannopoulos
Starring Ewan McGregor, Val Kilmer, Lorraine Bracco
Rated R for pervasive language, violence, some sexual references, nudity and drug use
Runtime: 1 hour 23 minutes
In theaters and on demand June 18

by Gary Kramer, Staff Writer

The cast of The Birthday Cake, which includes Ewan McGregor, Lorraine Bracco, Aldis Hodge, William Fichtner, Paul Sorvino, Vincent Pastore, Emory Cohen, Luis Guzman, Penn Badgley, and Val Kilmer, may sound like cause for celebration, but don’t RSVP for this party. 

This trite Italian mobster drama opens with Leo (Emory Cohen) giving his cousin Gio (David Mazouz) a gun to threaten some high school bullies, but the situation goes sideways. Cut to ten years later when Gio (Shiloh Fernandez, who co-wrote the screenplay) is on his way to his uncle Angelo’s (Val Kilmer, using a voice box) house to commemorate the tenth anniversary of his father’s death. Gio’s mother Sofia (Lorraine Bracco) gives him a cake, which she makes annually, for the event.

Gio is trying to get in touch with Leo, who has, in the ensuing years, run afoul of the law. Gio is not the only person looking for his cousin; FBI agents (Aldis Hodge and Jake Weary), along with several other folks Gio encounters over the course of the night, also want Leo.

The weight of Gio giving his cousin up weighs heavily on him, but that burden barely comes across in Fernandez’s performance. He should be anxious and nervy—and on a few occasions he is—but The Birthday Cake, directed by Jimmy Giannopoulos (who also cowrote the screenplay), never really builds much tension or interest. There is no investment in these one-dimensional characters to warrant any empathy and emotion.

Even as a showcase for Fernandez—who is on screen the most and really deserves a breakout role—the film gives him only a handful of moments to shine. He is best when he stands up to his bad cop uncle Ricardo (William Fichtner), but Fernandez pretty much absorbs what others tell him, which allows the actor to internalize his performance. Alas, too much of what is being said to Gio over the course of the evening seems obvious giving him little to play.

Moreover, Father Kelly (Ewan McGregor), the kind local priest, narrates the story from time to time for no reason. He says things like, “[Someone] is looking for Leo and won’t stop until they find him,” which is pretty much the film’s entire plot. It seems unnecessary for a voiceover to tell audiences what is already known.

The Birthday Cake is very fond of plant-payoff storytelling. When Peeno (Penn Badgley), a bar owner, tells Gio (on the site where Gio’s father was killed, no less) that two men are asking about Leo, it is only a matter of time before some blood is spilled. When Gio declines some chocolate at a bakery he stops at—he’s allergic—it is easy to guess what kind of cake Gio is carrying to Angelo’s and why. (Sofia’s remark, “This never ends well,” further foreshadows.)

What is most frustrating about Giannopoulos’s film is that it wastes its great cast. Paul Sorvino has two brief scenes, and exactly two words of dialogue (only one of them printable). Aldis Hodge is given almost nothing to do. Luiz Guzman plays a cab driver who has some amusing advice for his passengers, but even his welcome appearance is slight. Then there is also a scene with Marla Maples—she plays one of Gio’s aunts, attending a bachelorette party—which is as inexplicable as her casting. Val Kilmer’s appearance is as painful as a speech he gives about why he has long hair, and Ewan McGregor seems just miscast. 

The film provides only a few lively moments, courtesy of the aforementioned Fichtner, who injects a little menace into his scenes, and Vincent Pastore has a nice speech at a dinner table. Arguably the standout is Lorraine Brocco’s oddly touching turn, especially during a scene of her dancing with Gio. 

The Birthday Cake is mostly leaden. It unfolds slowly and goes nowhere new.