Written and directed by Frank Martinez
Starring Turk Matthews, Eliot, Link Ruiz
Unrated
Runtime: The Longest 2 hours, 5 minutes of my life
Available in Limited Theaters and On Demand March 22nd

by Whitley Albury, Staff Writer

Allow me to preface this review by saying, as an independent filmmaker, making movies is very hard and truly, kudos to everyone who ever finishes one. With that being said, I think I can say I now have a new least favorite feature length film.

Dreaming Hollywood takes us on a trip through a seedy underworld of LA, with sadistic drug lords, sex workers, and one weird guy named Ray Balfi (Turk Matthews). Ray has a dark past with violence and drugs, but he wants to clean up his act and enter the film industry. A noble goal! He figures he’ll go for the “lowest and easiest part to break into: screenwriting.” Yes, reader, I did indeed groan aloud. He’s still dealing drugs, but he’s scaled back! Initially, I thought  that maybe it was meth, which, honestly, would make more sense with some of the other characters, but I think it may have just been a fictitious drug in general. That’s not really the important part here, though. Ray has the brilliant idea that he’s going to send out the script he’s cobbled together to 100 studios, because at least one will take it. 

While this is happening, a rival drug dealer, Rudy Aquanikkio (Eliot) is wreaking havoc. Think Frank Booth in Blue Velvet, but far less charming and more sadistic. Honestly, trigger warnings galore for misogyny, racism, and implied sexual assault, along with torture for all of his scenes. He’s after Arnie, another drug dealer…there are many drug dealers here. I think my personal favorite is Shawnathan (Brian Hanford), solely because of his name. There are crooked cops, with Detective Duque (Link Ruiz) trying to juggle his own addictions with work and a pregnant girlfriend. The story is at least slightly reminiscent of films like Inherent Vice (the previous record holder for worst film I’ve ever watched) and Pulp Fiction, but without any of the charm. Most of the time, it felt like there were way more threads to follow, and only a few ever got resolved.

I think that was one of the problems for me. There wasn’t a single character I felt like I could root for, nor was there anyone who was particularly memorable. The best option was the girl with the duct tape kiss (who I can’t even remember the name of).  And don’t get me wrong, I love unlikeable characters! Give me messy and cruel, but give them depth, instead of making them a caricature. In addition to having a lacking story and characters I didn’t even really enjoy, the editing was so off. There were parts of audio that were mixed poorly, with a side conversation that was supposed to be background noise taking over as the main point of a scene. There were a lot of shots that lingered for far too long, with no real purpose. The lighting was pretty solid, but not slick. Some scenes had a bit harsher lighting than necessary, but that was the second most solid aspect of the film. 

The soundtrack featured the late DMX, and that was part of the draw for me, but it wasn’t enough to make the viewing experience tolerable. There are a few animated scenes, but the old Homestar Runner bits from the early aughts were cleaner, art-wise. I get that it may have been intended to be a satire, but it missed the mark completely. Instead, it gave off very strong senior thesis vibes, minus a promise of potential and earnestness. There were few strong performances, but most felt over-acted, almost to the point of a telenovela. It was like the writer tried to see just how many stereotypes and phobic comments he could fit into a script, with none of it being challenged.

If you’re really looking for something to enjoy while high, maybe you’ll enjoy it? But if you start losing it during scenes with the cat demon in the bathtub, you’re on your own.