Mafia Mamma
Directed by Catherine Hardwicke
Written by Michael J. Feldman and Debbie Jhoon
Starring Toni Collette, Monica Belluci, and Sophia Nomvete
Running Time: 1 hour and 40 minutes
In theaters April 13th

by Billie Anderson, Staff Writer

I’m a Lizzie McGuire girly at heart (stay with me for a second, this is related), and The Lizzie McGuire Movie had such a strong impact on my perception of Italy that I actually feel as though visiting would be disappointing because it won’t be as good as it was in that film. Even more than that, I am known to be obsessed with Dean Martin’s “On An Evening in Roma” perhaps a little too much because of my girl Lizzie – and I mean, listening-to-it-on-repeat-on-a-drive-with-my-friends-for-an-hour-and-a-half-level obsessed. Here’s the thing, if I’m presented with a film that even has a minor chance of being like The Lizzie McGuire Movie, I will watch it. When I first saw the poster for Mafia Mamma, I thought – Lizzie McGuire for adults who love The Godfather AND Toni Collette? Yes please! 

Mafia Mamma follows Kristin (Toni Collette), a suburban mom and pharmaceutical writer experiencing the throws of middle age: watching her son leave for college, discovering her husband being unfaithful, and inheriting her estranged Italian mob-boss grandfather’s (Alessandro Bressanello) business and, to her surprise, the role of boss for the most powerful Mafia family in Calabria – just normal 45-year-old woman experiences. Guided in her new role by the family’s adviser Bianca (Monica Bellucci), Kristin negotiates and maintains the prestige of the family, all while trying to find love and find herself after her separation from her husband.  

It's hard to pinpoint the genre of this film. While it’s listed as an action comedy, there is little to no action (beyond two less than five-minute fight scenes) and it’s almost impossible to pinpoint what’s meant to be a funny line reading and what is meant to be serious. This film sits in a weird place where it includes an intensity of gore – and I mean, watching literal bodies being cut up for disposal, and worse than that, watching a high heel go through someone’s eye and pop out their eyeball – that just does not suit the film at all. I am relatively unfazed by horror and gore-focused films but seeing it so out of place made me cringe and tune out of the film until those scenes were over. 

Let me return for a second to The Lizzie McGuire Movie – had this film attempted anything similar to Kristin falling into her new role accidentally and learning the ropes of how to run the family business throughout the course of the film, I honestly think it would have knocked it out of the park. Imagine watching a suburban mom trying to learn how to run a mafia family business – that’s hilarious without even needing to see it. The best scene in the film follows Kristin after she has finally accepted her role as the titular Mafia Mamma, and we see her, montage style, meeting with other mafia families, trying to revamp and improve the Balbano wine company, and falling in love with an Italian chef – it’s unfortunate that the most compelling part of the film, the part of the film that could have encompassed most of it (like The Lizzie McGuire Movie) was reduced to a brief 2-minute montage. Instead, what we’re given is opposite ends of the spectrum – either Kristin doesn’t know what she’s doing (first 45 minutes), or she knows exactly what she’s doing (last 45 minutes) with no learning the ropes in the middle.

Beyond disagreeing with the entire structure of the film, it’s worth noting other issues that made it hard to enjoy the film for what it was. None of the characters had chemistry: not Kristin and her ex-husband (Tim Daish), nor Kristin and her sassy Black best friend (Sophia Nomvete) – I don’t need to say any more than this about this character – and still not with Kristin and her Italian lover (Giulio Corso). There was also no chemistry between the two comedic relief characters Aldo (Francesco Mastroianni) and Dante (Alfonso Perugini), despite them being the most fun characters to watch. The most compelling chemistry was between Kristin and Bianca, but audiences are only given one weird scene where Bianca is straddling Kristin on a daybed in the gardens. Unfortunately, I was so distracted by the randomness of this scene that it was hard to identify why we were watching them talking, drinking wine, and being overly physical even though their relationship was presented as entirely professional up until (and after) that point. 

Another major issue – and perhaps this is just me being petty – is that they mentioned The Godfather maybe four times. The first time was maybe the only moment in the entire film that I laughed, but then it continued to happen so frequently that I could almost anticipate when one of the characters was going to bring it up. I’m not sure who the desired audience is for this film, but it’s likely that a lot of middle-aged women that seek out this film on a Thursday afternoon won’t have seen The Godfather, so the film is really hinging on its other jokes to land.  

 There were so many directions this film could have gone and unfortunately, it just failed to go anywhere at all. It’s disappointing that such a fun premise was wasted on so little plot. I’m a known bad film lover and I was ready to have a fun time no matter how funny the film actually was, but I was just left disappointed that it didn’t lean into the campiness enough. If you’re looking for action comedies starring actors that are too famous to be leading the films, Mafia Mamma is one to skip.