The Last Voyage of The Demeter (or the appropriate title: Dracula Boat)
Written by Bragi F. Schut and Zak Olkewicz (screenplay), Bragi F. Schut (screen story) and Bram Stoker (based on the chapter, “The Captain’s Log) of Dracula)
Directed by André Øvredal
Starring Corey Hawkins, Aisling Franciosi, Liam Cunningham and David Dastmalchian
Running time 1 hour and 58 minutes
MPAA Rating R for bloody violence
In theaters August 11th

by Rosalie Kicks, Old Sport & Editor in Chief

*In the tune of the Gilligan’s Island Theme

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a blood-filled trip
That started from a Romania port
Aboard The Demeter ship.

The cap’n kept a thorough log,
The crew was brave and true.
They set sail on sun-filled day,
For a four week tour, a four week tour.

First the livestock was killed,
A stowaway was found,
Then one by one
The crew was killed too, the crew was killed too.

*Writer’s Note: From here on out I will refer to this motion picture by the title it should have been given: DRACULA BOAT

“You sleep in dirt!”

Dracula Boat has been sailing the treacherous waters of Hollywood development hell since 1992, only to finally drift into theaters (reminder to me: never give up on your dreams). Unfortunately, after taking a trip aboard the Demeter, I can definitively say that this picture should have stayed dead in the water.

Based on a single chapter in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, this two-hour tale shares the legendary vamp’s voyage from Transylvania to London through the use of Captain Eliot’s (Liam Cunningham) log. The crew quickly comes to realize that their only objective is not just to sail the vessel but to also serve as sustenance. As the four week excursion comes closer to its end, the body count swiftly increases and the seamen’s disposition turns unhinged as they are hunted.

From a technical standpoint, this is not a terribly made picture. The cinematography is immersive and often elevates scenes to a haunting level. The score, production design, and acting are more than adequate. Three bodies are set ablaze… obviously this is a plus. I have issues with the vampire creature design (which I will elaborate on later). However, my biggest hang up with this depiction is the script itself.

For those that are familiar with any number of Dracula tales or flicks, it is common knowledge that he survives the move to London. Therefore, when the film opens with its ending, it is safe to say this reveal will not come as a shock. It more serves as a confirmation of the Demeter’s blood soaked, tragic venture and that Drac is loose. What will cause unrest is that this picture requires one to sit in the theater for close to two hours to witness sluggish scenes, repetitive dialogue and lackluster action. It is hard to justify this runtime with an outcome that is well-known and the meat of the story does nothing to satiate.

Dracula Boat has been described by the director, André Øvredal as having a feel much like Ridley Scott’s Alien (1979). Within Scott’s picture, a space crew encounters an extraterrestrial on their ship that essentially rips them to shreds. Much like what is witnessed on the Demeter, the crew is hunted and the voyage doomed. Unlike Alien, Dracula Boat fails to enthrall due to the pacing. The thrills are too infrequent causing the movie to be a slog. There are some expertly crafted kills, in particular of a young child onboard that falls victim to the vampire’s grip, but ultimately these moments are fleeting. Each time the date was revealed by the Captain via his diary, I was hoping we would be a bit further along at sea.

One thing is for sure, this movie is truly a horror as it showcases the behaviors of a terrible roommate. Dracula is a slob. He is an undead nightmare. He has awful etiquette - sneaking up on folks, questionable table manners - he slurps incredibly loud, and leaves a trail of dirt, filth, and carcasses across the ship deck without ever bothering to lift a finger to clean up his mess. Much like living with a bad roomie, I could not wait for him to just leave and make it on his own. I would be remiss if I did not comment on his bag of bones. This version of Dracula is not pleasing on the eyes. I am aware that the Bela Lugosi rendition is not accurate to the book and that Dracula is far from the suave, charming character as portrayed in Tod Browning’s film. However, I really would have preferred to see more practical make-up a la Nosferatu rather than a computer generated gargoyle looking thing. I believe the poor craftsmanship of the creature is the reason that when they are shown onscreen the filmmaker chose to immediately cutaway.

It is rather incredible that they have left this open for a sequel. My only hope is that, much like Dracula himself, it does not see the light of day.