by Zooey X

5. Jupiter Ascending
(2/5)

I’m sad to say this movie was a bomb, because I think the Wachowskis are brilliant, but it booombed. Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis? If these two clowns are the best for the job, maybe they should’ve just trashed the thing.

4. Avengers: Age of Ultron
(3/5)

I thought this movie was going to be really dark and gritty, but Marvel/Whedon disappointed me yet again. The plot was all over the place and nothing really developed during what felt like a 5-hour movie. I snoozed right through this one.

3. Taken 3
(1/5)

The first Taken was terrible. The fact that there were two more of these mofos made is utter insanity to me. Liam Neeson, get back in that Lion suit.

2. American Sniper
(1/5)

Two hours of propaganda brainwash. This one paints an unrealistic portrait of what it’s like to be a soldier for the American military. It understates Chris Kyle’s PTSD, idolizing him as a tough soldier who was just doing his job, when in reality this guy was a trigger-happy racist who killed a lot of innocent civilians and children.

1. 50 Shades of Grey
(0/5)

The book “50 Shades of Grey” was originally a Twilight BDSM fan fiction. This was then, somehow, funded into a cinematic experience. Or, rather, soft-core-rapey-trash. I wish I could say more, but there’s no way I would stoop so low as to see this high-budget creep-fest.