Directed by Joshua Leonard
Written by Joshua Leonard, Jess Weixler, and Chelsea Bo
Starring Jess Weixler and Joshua Leonard
Runtime: 1 hour 16 minutes
In theaters July 30

by Audrey Callerstrom, Staff Writer

How do you prepare to have a child? No, no, no, I know about the superficial things. I know the things you have to purchase. This tiny, fragile new person needs a place to sleep, clothes, diapers. It’s too small for ordinary things so you have to buy special things for it to do ordinary things. Like a bath, for instance. Too small for that, you need a tiny bath tub or a weird flower contraption so you can bathe them over the sink. You need bottles, eventually, or immediately, who knows?! You need to figure out where to give birth to the baby. What if the baby chokes? Better learn baby CPR, so sign up for that. FUCK the website is down. FUCK. And on and on. All of that stuff is superficial, all are things you learn to take care of a child at a specific age, but not forever. So how do you mentally prepare yourself to be a parent, to become this new, other person?

Answer: you fucking don’t.

As represented in a stick figure sequence, Los Angeles couple Jackie (Jess Weixler) and Elliot (Joshua Leonard) are expecting a child in one month. A girl. During therapy, Elliot mentions how they had a “DEFCON 3 meltdown at Target the other day.” They had planned to buy a car seat recommended to them as an easy-to-carry, light option, but it was also the cheapest. Does that mean it’s bad? If you get the cheapest one, and it doesn’t function in an accident, wow, like WOW, are you a shitty parent. You wanted to save money, and now, NOW look what you did. Jackie and Elliot recognize this, and their feud spills over into their therapy session to the point where they’re rambling about his anger issues and her inclination to be the caretaker. The therapist politely nods and smiles, and at the end of the session, recommends one orgasm each day for the oxytocin (both helpful and not). Later, Jackie and Elliot are inundated at their baby shower by friends telling them how much a child will rob you of your sense of self, how it’s impossible to prepare for, and how birth can rip from hole-to-hole. All truths, but not something that two anxious people need to hear.

Jackie and Elliot decide to work on their issues in one full blast before the baby is born. Do some crazy shit. Address their demons. Only then will they be Fully Realized Humans. As Elliot points out, Jackie and Elliot each “signed up for each other’s shit.” But that kid? That kid did not. Fully Realized Humans is a funny and honest film about approaching parenthood, one that serves up some quirky scenes of soon-to-be-parents giggling while shoplifting and spray painting. This is one of those rare films about a couple having a baby that doesn’t end with them rushing to the hospital, the woman screaming and pushing, and then the couple looking at their baby soaked in love. It’s nice to be spared those contrived and overused moments. It would certainly turn sentimental if it took us through that process, but that’s not the film’s intention.

Fully Realized Humans is the second film from Weixler and Leonard, who also collaborated on 2011’s The Lie. Weixler, again, co-wrote with Leonard, who directs. Weixler is real-life very, very pregnant in this film. She has a visible linea nigra (pregnancy line) on her belly. Weixler, with her deep set, wide eyes, is so expressive and a joy to watch in every scene. I’ve been captivated with her ever since I saw the vagina dentata movie Teeth. I could watch Weixler in a silent film, without my glasses on, that’s how expressive she is. I knowingly laughed at a scene where Jackie picks a fight to pick a fight. Because why not. Once you start the fight, and your hormones are all wackadoo, you have to see the fight to its conclusion or until you get tired, whichever comes first. In this case, Jackie yells at Elliot because he purchased hummus when they already had hummus. Some of the moments might feel like in-jokes for parents, but it comes together with a poignant, funny conclusion, a message that is a happy medium between “you’re going to be fine” and “it’s OK, because we’re all kind of fucked.”