Directed by Valeri Milev
Starring Danny Trejo, Yana Marinova, Dessy Slavova, Doroteya Toleva and Timur Turisbekov
Running time: 1 hour and 16 minutes

by Nikk Nelson

The overall aesthetic of Valeri Milev’s Bullets of Justice (2019) seems to be gaining popularity with movies like Turbo Kid (2015) and Kung Fury (2015)—a sort of 8-Bit, dirty-dystopian chic. I have not seen Milev’s other films yet, so I’m not sure how they compare but I can only guess Bullets of Justice is a horse of a different color. It’s like if Star Wars (1977), Machete (2013) and Spun (2002) were pureed in a filthy blender with every 80s action movie trope and topped with the Borderlands videogame series. It really is something. Even summarizing the plot, I feel like I mixed medication. During the third world war, the government creates a race of pig-spliced super-soldiers that, twenty-five years later, betray their human overlords, take their place at the top of the food chain and start hunting humans for meat. When Kicks texted me that this looked right up my alley, she was not lying. But, to be honest, it really made me question my alley.

Danny Trejo is prominently featured on the film poster, but he’s in the film for a blink of an eye and I was okay with that—not that I don’t love Danny. But Timur Turisbekov as Rob Justice really can’t share the screen with anyone else. The movie barely makes sense, that’s kind of its thing, and Danny being in the whole movie would have made it make Danny Trejo sense, and the film will have none of that. It’s subversive of trash cinema. I didn’t realize that was entirely possible. I really want to spoil so many things, but I won’t. I want everyone to go through the same experience I did. Then, we can group therapy. Costumes and makeup effects are ooey-gooey, tangible in either the best or worst way, and the action sequences hit the spot. They say you have to know the rules before you can break them and Bullets of Justice definitely did its homework.

Perhaps the most maddening thing about being a critic trying to critique it is that it actively defies criticism. It’s supposed to have nonsensical dialogue, plot holes and an ending that excuses the last seventy minutes of absurdity you just witnessed with a twist that double dog dares you to hate it: “You mad, bro? This movie had a villain that did air splits holding knives wearing nothing but a single-string banana hammock. Are you gonna stay mad?” The answer is no. I suppose I could pontificate on everything I wish the movie would have been but I wouldn’t dare take anything away from what it is. It’s its own special kind of perfect. This movie truly befuddled me. Usually, when I like a movie this much, this is the part where I say I can’t wait to see what this team does next. But I’m kind of afraid of what encouragement will do to them. I also want to absolutely see what encouragement will do to them. I am in a pickle.

Available to watch on demand today.

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