Scare Package
By Nikk Nelson
Scare Package is the latest in me being pleasantly surprised by what pops up on Shudder. A horror anthology with an incredible sense of humor, especially about itself, that’s an answer to darker offerings like V/H/S or Trick ‘r Treat. The minds behind this project seem to have their thumb on the spurting pulse of where horror as a genre is today. Meta is dead. But what about meta-meta? Or meta-meta-meta? The strength of Scare Package as a whole is it manages to parody every horror trope under the sun, including meta. “Cold Open” follows Mike, the guy responsible for doing things in horror movies like placing cursed objects in an attic for the protagonists to find or cutting the power to the babysitter’s house. Our run-through segment that also bookends the film in its own segment “Horror Hypothesis” introduces us to Rad Chad and his videostore, Rad Chad’s Horror Emporium, where Chad is training a new employee, Hawn. Each segment is introduced as Hawn navigates his new work responsibilities all while a jilted obsessive customer attempts to foil him at every turn.
The VHS look and feel is all here, complete with sporadic fuzziness tracking and synth scores, but it’s all used respectfully and effectively. Each of the eight (technically—you’ll understand why) segments has something for every horror fan to enjoy. “One Time in the Woods” asks the question, ‘If a werewolf was transforming in front of you, begging you to kill him, what exactly would that look like? Oh, and this is suddenly a Friday the 13th movie now’. Gore hounds and purists of practical effects will have their fill with Scare Package—“Hey! That guy’s blood is getting in my blood!”. There are a few truly hilarious moments peppered throughout and even on the rare occasion a joke doesn’t land, one that does is right behind it. “The Night He Came Back Again Part IV: The Final Kill” was probably my favorite segment, for the title alone, if nothing else. But I may also be equally in love with “So Much to Do” with its pitch-perfect homage to John Carpenter’s The Fog. Also, it boasts one of the many but probably best deadpan moments that I rewound and laughed at several times. Hearing a Hex Dispensers song in “Girls Night Out of Body” made me squee.
As far as familiar faces go, you’ll see Noah Segan aka Dode in Rian Johnson’s Brick directing and starring in the segment “M.I.S.T.E.R.”. Noah also pops up in others of Johnson’s, most recently Knives Out. Chase Williamson from John Dies at the End shows up in the closing segment along with what will undoubtedly be the most recognized cameo in the entire film. No spoilers, but they deliver my favorite line, speaking to Rad Chad, a walking comments section, “You are the personification of what the internet did to film criticism.” The Easter Eggs in this one may as well be a ball pit. A projected floor plan in the Cabin in the Woods-esque conclusion features the Herbert West Laboratory, Server Room 237, and the Last Records Room on the Left. Don’t expect coats of polish. This is low-budget filmmaking, but it has a heart of gold, and I am thrilled that Shudder is offering their platform to it. The videostore that shaped me as a young lad had its Comedy and Horror sections right next to each other. That sentiment is still with me to this day and is exactly the itch that Scare Package offers to scratch. If that’s not your bug bite, then you’ll want to move along. This is a great one to put on with friends who have a shared sense of humor.
Scare Package is available exclusively on Shudder and premieres June 18, more info here.