Written and Directed by John Lee Hancock
Starring Denzel Washington, Rami Malek and Jared Leto (with a paunch)
Running time: 2 hours and 7 minutes (could have used a snip)
MPAA rating: R for violent/disturbing images, language and full nudity
In theaters and HBO Max Friday, Jan 29

by Rosalie Kicks, Old Sport

“Aw poop. I think I made a boo boo.”

Sometimes after watching a movie I am left with this incessant fear that it will be the last flick to ever grace my eyes. This feeling of dread couldn’t have been more so after my theatrical viewing of Cats at the end of 2019. Upon carefully making my way back home, I immediately needed to consume another film, as I would not allow those kitties to be the last piece of celluloid I witnessed. I was once again struck with a similar sensation after experiencing the film The Little Things.

The Little Things, is a crime drama set in 1990 written and directed by John Lee Hancock. The story follows two detectives, Joe Deacon (Denzel Washington) and Jim Baxter (Rami Malek) as they scour the streets of Los Angeles in search of a serial killer. Akin to the plot of David Fincher’s Seven, Joe is a seasoned detective while Jim is a rising star on the force. However, other than locations and a few plot points, is where the actual similarities are few. After having a recent revisit of Seven, I can confidently say the biggest difference between the two is that Seven is actually a decent, well-made flick.

It is clear The Little Things is trying so hard to be something grandiose and, instead, ended up as a predictable slog. Hancock penned the script in nineteen hundred and ninety three and it most definitely shows, particularly with the women characters, as they serve only two purposes: victims and caregivers. That is not the only dated element, as much of the production plays off like a more polished TV crime thriller serial. The first two acts of the film are standard detective fare: a body is discovered and these two unlikely partners are gonna team up to solve it. Joe is an officer from a local podunk California county, visiting the Los Angeles office to utilize their more advanced crime lab to have some evidence analyzed. He soon finds himself taking vacation days when he becomes entangled with Jim’s murder case, as it is comparable to an unsolved mystery from his past.

My expectations of captivating performances from Oscar winners, Washington and Malek were quickly dismissed. Denzel tries his best to elevate a mediocre script, yet still finds himself dead in the water while Malek gives an off-putting performance that often flounders. To my utter surprise, it was not until the abomination that is Jared Leto shows up that I remotely found myself entertained. Maybe he did indeed deserve that Oscar.

Of course, to no surprise, Leto plays a greasy, self-proclaimed “crime buff” and prime suspect of the dynamic detective duo. Appliance repairman, Albert Sparma (Jared Leto) dons a paunchy belly built by pizza and cheap beer and drives a really fast car. Leto truly brings this character to life with his self-assured saunter. His strut is the definition of commitment as it helped accentuate his squishy breadbasket which, if I was betting gal was his ultimate goal.

I realize the year 2020 was filled with abnormality, but 2021 is showing much of the same. We live in the land of mystery, a time in which I find myself with a “favorite Jared Leto scene”. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I never thought my life would come to this, but here we are. When Leto decides to order a Shirley Temple drink to go from a bar and swagger back to his apartment just in time to watch the trap he hatched on Deacon and Baxter play out, wellll… that was a magical piece of cinema and I am grateful that it did not hit the cutting floor. If it weren’t for Leto, I don’t think this movie would even exist to me after the credits hit the screen, which, I realize, is an absolutely bananas thing to say and I should most likely have a lobotomy.

It is the third act, though, in which the movie completely ruins itself. Up until that point, my thought was that it was a well made exercise in futility. An exercise that was reportedly offered to the “magic movie hands” of Steven Speilberg, Danny DeVito and Clint Eastwood before winding up back with its rightful owner. If anything is clear by the end of this picture it’s that there was a lot of effort put into something that inevitably should have remained left alone.

Watch The Little Things exclusively on HBOMax Friday, January 29. Until then The Old Sport recommends checking out the exquisite Good Charlotte song “Little Things”.