by Hunter Bush, Staff Writer

Step right up! Step right up! Right his way, and welcome to another installment of EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN, my column discussing upcoming movies & TV series through the lens of Adaptation, Remakes and the occasional Legacy Sequel. So if a movie (or series) is based on a previously existing intellectual property, I will endeavour to mention it here.

The way the column works, folks, is: I watch some trailers and, drawing on my lifetime of film watching experience, do my level best to give you an idea of what the movie (or series) is about. But that’s not all! I’ll attempt to give some context for the original property and maybe theorize about why this idea is coming around in this form, at this time. Finally I’ll let you know whether I personally am looking forward to this movie (or series). Howzabout that?

But wait! There’s more! Down at the bottom of the column is a SPOTLIGHT section, highlighting an EOINA-appropriate property that’s very good, it’s just not new this month! So follow me, right this way, to the hottest show in town!

PREMIERES

These are all the movies premiering on the various streaming services in March.

7th

Jupiter’s Legacy (series)
Where: Netflix

Based on the comic series by Mark Millar that deals with the concept of legacy (no surprise there) and the weight of responsibility, but told using superheroes, this series looks pretty good. Nice visuals, strong differentiation between characters, etc. The main ideological conflict seems to be between an older generation of super people - who we also see flashbacks of receiving their special abilities - and their children, the new generation. This concept is filled with potential but creator/comic author Mark Millar occasionally has some odd political viewpoints. As such, this seems to be leaning towards “The Olds are right and The Youth are frivolous” because we’ve got our Superman look-alike talking about that responsibility of legacy while the kids seem more interested in doing fashion photography.

If the comic and this subsequent adaptation is genuinely expressing both sides of an ideological divide, I’ll be more interested in it than if it’s just a This Generation is Right and That One is Wrong screed. Of course, the trailer COULD be setting me up for a nice rope-a-dope. That IS a possibility. I’m hoping for the same level of melodrama as something like Riverdale, which understands how heightened it needs to be in order to work (also - read The Old Sport’s Riverdale Recaps). Though there is some of the prerequisite fist-fighting in the trailer, I got no real sense of what any physical altercations might be about. The majority of the dialogue is exploring that philosophical divide, which, as I said, I’m here for. Let’s see how this goes.

14th

Spiral: From the Book of Saw (dir. Darren Lynn Bousman)
Where: In theaters

A continuation of the franchise begun with James Wan & Leigh Whannell’s morality-death-trap obsessed Saw in 2003, this film takes place in Philadelphia! Therefore it is an automatic watch for me! But on top of that, it actually looks pretty great! Executive producer and star Chris Rock has been trying to get a project like this going for some time and I’m glad to see it happening here. Taking place some time after the original Jigsaw series of murders, a copycat has appeared, leaving a flash drive with a taunting message for detective Banks (Rock) that in some way involves his father (Samuel L. Jackson). The trailer seems to cover a lot of ground, with appearances from various death traps as well as the puppet and pig head mascots of the Jigsaw killer in addition to a marionette of a pig in a police uniform. There’s even a shot of Rock handcuffed to a pipe holding a hacksaw! A few years ago, I pulled my back out at work and ended up marathoning all the Saw movies (which at the time topped out at 7) and found that overall I really enjoyed the franchise and its determined efforts to twist back in on itself, altering things you thought you knew from the previous installments, even while I lamented their loss of the cohesive moral messaging that made the original feel so righteous. If this installment can maintain that kind of fleet-footed tone, while getting back to the series’ moral starting point, I’m all in. I’m still not gonna go to the theater for it though. Nah.

Those Who Wish Me Dead (dir. Taylor Sheridan)
Where: In theaters

Based on the novel by Michael Koryta, this flick looks rad! Angelina Jolie plays a fire marshall and/or forest ranger (I guess?) with survivor’s guilt who spots an injured kid (Finn Little) who is on the run from some possibly government affiliated bad guys who killed his dad and are now looking to do the same to him to tie up loose ends. Of course, given Jolie’s character’s backstory, they end up starting a forest fire to either drive them out or kill them. This looks extremely up my alley and about the only complaint I have with it is the shitbird remix of the Johnny Cash version of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” where they added a thumpy drum thing to the rhythm of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” for some ungodly reason? Why do this? Hollywoo’: Stop Doing This! Either find a song that fits or just use an instrumental. It’s not quite as bad as that Breathy Acoustic Covers of Popular Songs thing that was happening ad nauseum a few years back, but it’s still not what I’d call Good. Those Who Wish Me Dead however, looks fun as hell and I definitely will see it. Just not in theaters yet though. Nah.

The Woman in the Window (dir. Joe Wright)
Where: Netflix

Based on the novel by A.J. Finn, this was all set for release last year before *gestures at everything for the last 14 months* so now it’s coming to Netflix. And honestly? That rules because this looks like a really decent thriller! Agoraphobic Amy Adams sees the murder of her neighbor across the way, Jane (Julianne Moore) from the window of her apartment, only to be told by Moore’s husband (Gary Oldman) that Adams has never met his wife. Another woman then appears claiming to be the real Jane and then the authorities start doubting Adams’ claims. This has a LOT of strong, very creepy vibes, like when Adams opens an email to find a photo of her sleeping. Imagine how terrifying that feeling is, then multiply it by the factor of ten that comes with her apartment being the ONLY place she feels safe! That’s good stuff, emotionally! There’s also a strong visual sense to this one (Adams’ meds can cause hallucinations, so that gives director Joe Wright a lot of room to play) AND the cast features Anthony Mackie and Wyatt Russell, both recently of Falcon and the Winter Soldier, among others. This looks like a good time and if the worst thing about it is that it’s a competently shot Rear Window meets Copycat knock off with a stacked cast, that’s really not so bad, right

P.S. - Remember Copycat, where Sigourney Weaver is an agoraphobic CSI specialist being targeted from jail by Harry Connick Jr. with janky “white trash” teeth? That’s a good time.

21st

Marvel’s M.O.D.O.K. (series)
Where: Hulu

This stop-motion styled sitcom take on the Marvel comics character created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby in 1967 looks really silly and fun! MODOK (Patton Oswalt) is a would-be world conquering super villain by day and a family man by night. Yes he’s got a giant head and floats around in a hover-throne, commanding hordes of henchmen but he’s also trying to save his marriage. Or at least retain custody of his kids. This is fertile ground for a comedy show, especially with this voice cast (which includes Whoopie Goldberg, Jon Hamm, Bill Hader & Nathan Fillion) and while the toyetic look of the series might not be everyone’s thing, I’m definitely onboard.

28th

Cruella (dir. Craig Gillespie)
Where: In theaters and Disney+ Pay-Even-More Access tier

Based on the 1961 animated film One Hundred and One Dalmatians, this isn’t the first project to spin off from the property. It had a long-gap animated sequel in 2003, a 1996 live action adaptation with its own sequel, and a pair of animated TV series that ran from 1997-1998 and 2019-2020 respectively! That’s a lot of dogs. Which brings me to my next point: Woof. This looks atrocious. Remember in Clueless, when Cher tells Tai “She’s like a full-on Monet. From far away it’s okay, but up close it’s a big ol’ mess”? That’s how I feel with Cruella. The closer I look, the worse it all is. Do we need another movie that humanizes one of Disney’s best-known, least sympathetic villains (following in the footsteps of the Maleficent films of course)? How about if it’s a straight-up rip off of The Devil Wears Prada, but with a dash of The Joker thrown in? And, y’know what, let’s also steal the setting-your-clothes-on-fire-to-make-an-entrance bit from The Hunger Games? Why not? I am not on board with anything about this beyond the look - the costumes and outfits are fantastic! So Disney is just going full Style Over Substance then, yeah? Basically reversing the polarity on the ethos that earned them their reputation (not to mention All. That. Cash.)? Count me out.

SPOTLIGHT

A few EOINA-appropriate flicks that aren't new but still might deserve a look!

1st:

The Towering Inferno (dir. John Guillermin)
Where: Amazon Prime

Combining elements of TWO novels - The Tower by Richard Martin Stern and The Glass Inferno by Thomas N. Scotia and Frank M. Robinson - this flick essentially invented the concept of star-studded disaster flick, paving the way for every ensemble cast that followed after. The pacing might be a little pokey for modern audiences, but once things stop simmering, they basically never slow down until the end! This perfectly handles the rising action that so many other flicks fumble. Something is always going wrong, but almost never in the way you might expect! I fully recommend watching this if you never have.

The Iron Giant (dir. Brad Bird)
Where: Hulu

Based on the 1968 novel The Iron Man by Ted Hughes, I recommend this to anybody at any time. Gorgeously animated, wonderfully odd with a truly beautiful message, this is also the movie that introduced the world to Vin Diesel. Groot himself! The “Fambly” Man! The Iron Giant, as a character, has been popping up recently now that all intellectual properties are owned by only a handful of corporations and he’s constantly kicking ass and taking names ...which is 100% the opposite of that character’s ENTIRE THING! So if you, like me, watched Ready Player One out of morbid curiosity and found yourself infuriated and sickened, maybe watch or rewatch The Iron Giant to remind yourself of how good things can be sometimes, when they’re NOT owned by a mega-corporation that has a hole full of money where its heart should be.

About a week after this drops, I’ll be getting my 2nd vaccination shot and eventually hope to return to some kind of normalcy but it won’t be quite yet. I’m glad that some of these long-in-Limbo films are getting released but there is literally NOTHING that I want less than to be in a crowded theater full of strangers. But that’s just me. I hope you’re all getting vaxxed, and staying safe, and taking care of yourself and others.

That’s all for this month, folks! Thanks as always for reading! Check out the latest episode of Hate Watch/Great Watch, the podcast I co-host with Allison Yakulis, which is not only our Two Years On-the-Air Anniversary, but covers the entire Beethoven film franchise! Until next time - don’t take any wooden nickels and Long Live the Movies!