by A. Freedman, Staff Writer

Of the horror properties that debuted in the 21st century, none have made a bigger impact than the Saw films. Coming with the first wave of mid 00's “torture porn,” they secured an audience with the unforgettable first entry and made buckets of money every Halloween for the next six years. Riding on the heels of Abu Ghraib, the War on Terror, the continued systemic failure of healthcare, and our increasingly voyeuristic social tendencies, the Saw films felt relevant and relatable.

Countless other horror properties–such as the big three of Friday The 13th, Halloween, A Nightmare On Elm Street–all play out the same basic premise of a psycho killer murdering dozens of co-eds. Scream came along and made everyone realize how repetitive and cliche the conceit had become. So kudos to Saw for figuring out a new gimmick: the killer, Jigsaw (aka John Kramer, played by veteran character actor Tobin Bell) "never technically killed anyone." He comes up with elaborate traps of philosophical importance, where more often than not, his victims kill themselves trying to escape. While one can easily poke holes in any of his arguments, it scratches that inner sicko itch in your brain. You can't help get be on his team a little, especially when his victims are so often putrid offenders.

Like any successful horror series, Saw stretched logic far beyond its limits in order to continue existing, sequel after sequel. Some of these sequels scraped the bottom of the barrel. But no other franchise I can think of has its main villain actually dead for more than half the films, yet somehow continuing to pull strings from beyond the grave (excluding in a supernatural way). It's one of the many features, not bugs- that make these films delightfully weird and enjoyable. You'll be scratching your head with a smile on your face, all while waiting for the next super gory trap to drop.

Without further ado, here are the Saw films ranked from worst to best, not including this week’s Spiral: From the Book of Saw.

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

8. Saw III (dir. Darren Lynn Bousman, 2006)

Horror movies do not have to be pleasant experiences, but if they are unpleasant to sit through, there should be some reward. There is no reward in watching Saw III. It looks like it was lit with gray colored flashlights, and it's twitchier than a late 90's nu metal music video. The second entry by sequel auteur Darren Lynn Bousman functions as a sort of origin story for Amanda (Shawnee Smith), Jigsaw's two time survivor, who we learn at the end of the previous entry is actually his new apprentice. The traps are mostly set up for a deeply unlikable deadbeat cop (Angus McFayden) and his nurse wife, one of those traps involving almost being drowned in pig guts, which I resent this film for. It is gratuitously gross, but worse, is gross to the point of being memorable. You can't forget it, unfortunately.

7. Saw V (dir. David Hackl, 2008)

Sometime during the fourth entry, you get the sense that actually, these middle sequels are all basically happening at the same time. You have to put the events together like...a puzzle. Get it? The main protagonist of this entry is Agent Strahm, played by Scott Patterson, AKA Luke from Gilmore Girls. If you ever liked that show, you just can't un-see it. The fact that he spends the whole movie speaking in a garbled rasp from a self performed tracheotomy makes it all the more silly. He finds himself going head to head with Agent Hoffman, played by fellow TV veteran Costas Mandylor, who it is revealed in the previous entry is yet another Jigsaw apprentice. In trying to repeat the successful "multiple people trapped at once who all have something in common" of the second entry, the traps are actually as creative as they've been since the first one. When Strahm finally bites it in the end, you're happy that at least Scott Patterson can finally give his raspy voice a rest.

6. Jigsaw (dirs. The Spierig Brothers, 2017)

Directed by The Spierig Brothers (Daybreakers, Predestination), this most recent reboot/legacyquel is at least well directed. The Canadian duo certainly know how to put together a nice looking movie, which is a step up from the dour greys of the middle sequels. Yet, the script is bad and the storyline is far-fetched, even for a Saw movie. The general philosophy of any Saw script seems to be "there's nothing that a bunch of ret-conning won't solve." Fans by this point know what to expect at the end- the tense music cues that drop, and you know you're about to get an expository montage that explains why all of the stuff that just happened makes sense. Normally, you can't help but laugh and take another fistfull of popcorn. But when it's been done seven times already, that popcorn gets a little stale.

5. Saw II (dir. Darren Lynn Bousman, 2005)

One could argue that the rest of the sequels are more sequels to this one, not the original- as it established a structure that was more easily repeatable. The first Saw was a mega hit with a tiny budget, so obviously, there was going to be a sequel, guaranteed to print money. What you may not remember if you haven't seen that one in a while, is that the traps themselves are probably a secondary plot device–most of the film you're caught up in the mystery of how Dr. Gordon and Adam (Cary Elwes and Leigh Wannell) wound up chained up in a locked room with a corpse in the middle of the floor. This sequel seeks to build on the part they figured audiences liked most–the traps–and turn it into a sort of horrific episode of Survivor. Without James Wan at the helm, the quality is a big step down–and adding insult to injury, the main protagonist is played by Donnie Wahlberg. This one is considered by many to be probably the second best, but it does little for me.

4. Saw: The Final Chapter (also known as Saw 3D) (dir. Kevin Greutert, 2010)

A whole lot changed between the first Saw (2004) and this "last" one (you ever want to break a promise in a horror series, just give a movie the subtitle of "the final chapter"), which came out in 2010. It opens with a trap taking place in public...and instead of helping, everyone is filming it with their smartphones. No matter how the world changes, there will always be a place for Jigsaw.

A lot of people consider this a low point of the series, but I think it is pretty good. By now, Agent Hoffman (Mandylor) has been exposed, and in an attempt to escape, basically turns into Jason Voorhees and starts brutally killing everyone he comes in contact with. The whole thing feels like a slasher callback. Speaking of callbacks, it also seeks to tie the series back to the first entry, more than any other sequel- bringing things around full circle. Oh, and forget Chekov's Gun–how about Chekov's Reverse Beartrap? Delivering on its promise, fans finally get to see the series' most iconic weapon/trap, first seen being worn by Amanda back in 2004, get used in all its gory glory.

3. Saw IV (dir. Darren Lynn Bousman, 2007)

After two iffy sequels by Darren Lynn Bousman, he seemed to finally get the hang of things. On this fourth entry, he fixes a lot of midstream errors and seems to figure out what a well paced, well lit Saw sequel feels like. Most of the action follows SWAT Commander Rigg (Lyriq Bent) on a middling mission to get to the bottom of the Jigsaw mystery. It's not great per se, but the outright competence and smooth delivery is notable compared to what you just sat through. It is all worth it for the real payoff, when we get what might be the series' best, most ridiculous kill: a main character getting his head flattened by two gigantic ice cubes. The main goal here seems to be wrapping up as many arcs from the second and third entry as possible, making room for the following to fully reboot the action around Agent Hoffman and his dark little secret.

2. Saw VI (dir. Kevin Greutert, 2009)

While the first five Saw movies are very much relics of the Bush administration, the first Saw movie under Obama quickly adapted to a new political climate. The action here is almost completely focused around an evil health insurance CEO and his employees, who make a killing off of...killing people by denying them money for healthcare. It was an exciting new direction for the series to go in, and was the very first entry since the original to actually have something on its mind. It features by far the series' best ensemble set-piece: a playground merry go round rigged to force the CEO to choose which of his employees lives or dies (with a shotgun blast to the chest). It foregoes gore and zeroes in on just pure thematic brutality, which is always when Saw is at its best. Oh, and less than six months later, guess what happened? President Obama signed the Affordable Care Act into law.

1. Saw (dir. James Wan, 2004)

It is rare to see anyone claim this original is not the peak of the series. It introduced the movie world to the considerable talents of James Wan and Leigh Wannell, both of whom have gone on to establish signature directorial styles and made genre movies far better than Saw. However, they will both be forever linked to this unforgettable film. I know that I, at least, will never forget seeing it opening night during my freshman year of college. I got dragged to it by some kids in my dorm, knowing very little about it at the time. We got there a little late and it was sold out, so we had to sit in the front row, craning our necks vertically to catch the action. I had never let out a full body, blood curdling scream in a movie theatre before–and I haven't since. But it was ok, because everyone else was doing it too, when Dr. Gordon (Cary Elwes) decides to saw off his fuckin' foot to go and save his family. Compared to the sequels, that moment actually seems quite tame on paper, but the pure emotional terror of it is never matched again.