by Hunter Bush

Hello and welcome to 2021! As we bid a hearty adi-fuckin’-os to the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year that has passed, I want to offer my condolences to all of you reading this. I’m sorry, but it ain’t over yet. Things will still be rough for quite a while and we’ll be feeling the repercussions of 2020 for a long time to come, but I sincerely hope for all of our sakes that things are gonna start getting better. Fair warning now, I am writing this still within the confines of the bastard year. So there’s a chance that simply by wishing for good things I have doomed us all, but I prefer to think not. I choose to see it as manifesting my desires into existence and I hope you’ll all take a moment to take a deep, slow breath and put forth thoughts of goodness, positivity and light.

Okay. Now let’s talk movies. This, if you’re a first-time reader, is Everything Old Is New Again, my column compiling upcoming movies (and the occasional TV series, etc) coming to screens great and small in the month. For a flick to count as EOINA material, it has to be based on some previously existing content - an older movie, a book, a video game, etc. - in some way. Maybe it’s a remake of something from a while back, aiming to hook new audiences; maybe an adaptation offering a modern take on a Greek myth; maybe a long-gap sequel to a franchise everyone had written off. Whatever it is, I’m here to bring it to your attention, try to give it some context if you’re unfamiliar with it and, in general, give my impression of how it looks.

Trailers are a lost art with very few companies viewing them with the reverence they deserve. So sometimes a picture just has a bad one. I’m not trying to sway anyone’s interest in anything they’re passionate about (or passionately against), but if you’re on the fence as they say, maybe my take will help you decide which side you’ll ultimately come down on.

Below are all the movies fit to cover, divided up by streaming service (since no one in their right mind is going to theaters right now) and separated into Premiers (brand new movies!) and Arrivals (new to that particular service!) in an attempt to give everyone as many viewing options as possible while we’re all, if not technically quarantined, at least spending a lot more time around the house.

AMAZON PRIME
Premiers

I couldn’t find any applicable Premiers coming to Prime this month.

Arrivals

1st

A Night at the Roxbury (1998) - based on the Saturday Night Live sketch characters performed and created by Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell. Also streaming on HULU.

Coneheads (1993) - based on the Saturday Night Live sketch characters created by Dan Aykroyd.

Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009) - based on the first two installments of the Shopaholic book series by Sophie Kinsella.

Donnie Brasco (1997) - based on the novel by Joseph Pistone subtitled My Undercover Life in the Mafia. Also streaming on HULU.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb (1964) - loosely inspired by Peter George’s novel Red Alert from 1958.

The Firm (1993) - based around John Grisham’s 1991 novel. Also streaming on HULU.

Kiss the Girls (1997) - based on James Patterson’s 1995 novel. Also streaming on HULU.

The Last of the Mohicans (1992) - based on the historical novel written by James Fenimore Cooper in 1826, subtitled A Narrative of 1757. Also streaming on HULU.

The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000) - based on the Steven Pressfield novel from 1995 subtitled A Novel of Golf and the Game of Life. Also streaming on HULU.

The Peacemaker (1997) - based on the book One Point Safe by Andrew and Leslie Cockburn. Also streaming on HULU.

The Town (2010) - based on Chuck Hogan’s 2004 novel Prince of Thieves.

Wonder Boys (2000) - based on the novel by Michael Chabon. Also streaming on HULU.

7th

Gretel & Hansel (2020) - based on the fairy tales the Bros. Grimm compiled and published in 1812. Also streaming on HULU.

11th

The Rhythm Section (2020) - based on the novel by Mark Burnell. Also streaming on HULU. Read my review for Moviejawn HERE.

HBO MAX
Premiers

Also no applicable Premiers for HBO MAX either.

Arrivals

1st

All the President’s Men (1976) - based on the 1974 book written by Bob Woodward & Carl Bernstein.

Blade (1998) - based on the Marvel comics character created in 1973 my Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) - based on the 1964 children’s book by Roald Dahl.

The Color Purple (1985) - based on the 1982 novel by Alice Walker.

Dog Day Afternoon (1975) - inspired by the LIFE magazine article “The Boys in the Bank” by P.F. Kluge.

The Exorcist (1973) - based on the novel from 1971 by screenwriter William Peter Blatty.

Flashpoint (1984) - based on the novel by George LaFountaine.

The General’s Daughter (1999) - based on the 1992 novel by Nelson DeMille.

Green Lantern (2011) - based on the DC Comics character originally created in 1940 by Martin Nodell, though the film is based on the Hal Jordan incarnation of the character, created in 1995 by John Broome and Gil Kane.

Happily N’Ever After (2006) - computer animated film based on a number of fairy tales and fables by the likes of Hans Christian Andersen and the Bros. Grimm.

Happily N’Ever After 2: Snow White: Another Bite at the Apple (2009) - sequel to the above.

Kong: Skull Island (2017) - most recent relaunch of the 1933 King Kong, and a tie-in to the Godzilla (2014) franchise, the most recent U.S. relaunch of the 1954 Godzilla.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) - U.S. friendly relaunch/sequel to 1979’s Mad Max.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) - Long gap sequel to the Mad Max franchise coming 30 years after 1985’s Beyond Thunderdome.

Miracle on 34th Street (1997) - remake of the 1947 film.

Miss Firecracker (1989) - based on the 1984 play The Miss Firecracker Contest by Beth Henley.

Mystic River (2003) - based on the novel by Dennis Lehane.

No Country For Old Men (2007) - based on the 2005 novel by Cormack McCarthy.

The Notebook (2004) - based on the 1996 novel by Nicholas Sparks.

Ocean’s Eleven (2001) - remake of the 1960 film.

Ocean’s Twelve (2004) - sequel to the above.

Ocean’s Thirteen (2007) - sequel to the above.

Ocean’s Eight (2018) - long gap franchise installment to the above.

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985) - big screen adaptation of the TV series Pee-wee’s Playhouse.

Ready Player One (2018) - based on a laundry list of pop cultural objects enjoyed by Ernest Cline.

The Three Stooges (2012) - based on the vaudeville team.

TMNT (2007) - based on the Mirage Comics characters created in 1984 by Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird.

V for Vendetta (2005) - based on the DC Comics limited series created by Alan Moore & David Lloyd.

Willard (1971) - based on the novel Ratman’s Notebooks by Stephen Gilbert.

8th

Patriot’s Day (2016) - based on the book Boston Strong by Casey Sherman and Dave Wedge.

12th

Earth Girls Are Easy (1988) - based on the song from Julie Brown’s album Goddess in Progress.

The Escape Artist (1982) - based on the book by David Wagoner.

Get Carter (1971) - based on the 1970 novel Jack’s Return Home by Ted Lewis.

Hellboy: Sword of Storms (2006) - animated adventure based on the Hellboy films, which are based on the Dark Horse Comics character created by Mike Mignola.

Hellboy: Blood and Iron (2007) - see above

Hellboy: The Dark Below (2010) - I’m actually not sure? There’s like no information about what exactly this is, but my best guess is: see above.

Lost and Delirious (2001) - based on the novel The Wives of Bath by Susan Swan.

The Man Who Would Be King (1975) - based on the 1888 novella by Rudyard Kipling.

The Men Who Stare at Goats (2009) - inspired by Jon Ronson’s 2004 book.

Night is Short, Walk on Girl (2017) - animated romance based on the novel by Tomihiko Morimi, with illustrations by Yusuke Nakamura.

15th

It (1990) - TV miniseries based on Stephen King’s 1986 novel.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) - based on the 1962 novel by Ken Kesey.

Roots (1977) - TV miniseries based on Alex Haley’s 1976 novel subtitled: The Saga of an American Family.

30th

The Mummy (1999) - reboot of the series starting with the 1932 film.

The Mummy Returns (2001) - sequel to the above

The Scorpion King (2002) - spin-off prequel to the above franchise.

HULU
Premiers

Et tu, Hulu? No applicable Premiers arriving on HULU either.

Arrivals

1st

A Night at the Roxbury (1998) - based on the Saturday Night Live sketch characters performed and created by Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell. Also streaming on PRIME.

Blow (2001) - based on Bruce Porter’s 1993 book subtitled How a Small Town Boy Made $100 Million with the Madellín Cocaine Cartel and Lost It All.

Constantine (2005) - based on the DC Comics character John Constantine created in 1985 by Alan Moore.

Cujo (1983) - based on Stephen King’s 1981 novel.

The Dead Zone (1983) based on Stephen King’s 1979 novel.

Donnie Brasco (1997) - based on the novel by Joseph Pistone subtitled My Undercover Life in the Mafia. Also streaming on PRIME.

The Firm (1993) - based around John Grisham’s 1991 novel. Also streaming on PRIME.

Graveyard Shift (1990) - based on a Stephen King short story published in 1978.

The Haunting (1999) - remake of the 1963 film, inspired by Shirley Jackson’s 1959 novel The Haunting of Hill House.

Indecent Proposal (1993) - based on the novel by Jack Engelhard.

Kiss the Girls (1997) - based on James Patterson’s 1995 novel. Also streaming on PRIME.

The Ladies Man (2000) - based on the Saturday Night Live character created by Tim Meadows.

The Last of the Mohicans (1992) - based on the historical novel written by James Fenimore Cooper in 1826, subtitled A Narrative of 1757. Also streaming on PRIME.

The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000) - based on the Steven Pressfield novel from 1995 subtitled A Novel of Golf and the Game of Life. Also streaming on PRIME.

Lost in Space (1998) - based on the tv series from 1965.

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) - based on a 1953 short story by Dorothy M. Johnson.

Paycheck (2003) - based on the 1953 short story by Philip K. Dick.

The Peacemaker (1997) - based on the book One Point Safe by Andrew and Leslie Cockburn. Also streaming on PRIME.

Poseidon (2006) - remake of the 1972 film The Poseidon Adventure which was based on the 1969 novel by Paul Gallico.

The Princess Bride (1987) - based on the 1973 novel by William Goldman.

The Rules of Attraction (2002) - based on the 1987 novel by Bret Easton Ellis.

Shrek (2001) - based on the 1990 picture book by William Steig.

The Three Musketeers (2011) - based on the 1844 novel by Alexandre Dumas.

Wonder Boys (2000) - based on the novel by Michael Chabon. Also streaming on PRIME.

7th

Gretel & Hansel (2020) - based on the fairy tales the Bros. Grimm compiled and published in 1812. Also streaming on PRIME.

11th

The Rhythm Section (2020) - based on the novel by Mark Burnell. Also streaming on PRIME. Read my review for Moviejawn HERE.

Lights Out (2016) - based on director David F. Sandberg’s 2013 short film.

NETFLIX
Premiers

1st

COBRA KAI: Season 3 - Based on the Karate Kid film franchise begun in 1984, I’ve heard nothing but positive things about this series (though I have yet to watch it myself). As such, I have no real context for what all is happening in this trailer. BUT. I like it. It has Ralph Macchio and William Zabka reprising their roles from the original Karate Kid films, teaching a group (or groups?) of unruly kids the discipline they were taught way back in the day. It seems like there’s been, oh… approximately 2 seasons worth of shenanigans before this story picks up because not only do we have kids in traction, but adults vowing to put their differences aside to help them. Also I think I saw Dee Snider and/or Twisted Sister playing onstage? That can’t be right, can it? What is this, a time-travelling karate show? Regardless, maybe it was the shreddy-guitar version of Auld Lang Syne playing in the background, but this show just looks fun (despite all the kids in traction) (or maybe because of them?) and I think I should stop wasting time and get caught up.

7th

PIECES OF A WOMAN - Based on a stage play by director Kornél Mundruczó and screenwriter Kata Wéber, this is a drama about a couple who lose their baby and how they are dealing in the aftermath of that. Oddly, for a movie about such a monumental tragedy in the lives of its characters, the biggest bummer in this trailer is the presence of Shia LaBeouf as husband Sean. In the wake of his latest round of toxic behaviors coming to light, it’s tough to want to empathize with him. But I’m willing to try because: it’s not his movie. It’s not called Pieces of a Sean, is it? Nah. Vanessa Kirby is the star here, playing Martha, and it looks like a fantastic performance.

Arrivals

1st

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009) - based on the 1978 kids book by Judi & Ron Barrett.

Cool Hand Luke (1967) - based on Donn Pearce’s 1965 novel.

The Departed (2006) - U.S. remake of Andrew Lau & Alan Mak’s 2002 Hong Kong thriller Infernal Affairs.

Goodfellas (1990) - based on the 1985 book Wiseguy by Nicholas Pileggi.

Into the Wild (2007) - based on the 1996 non-fiction book by Jon Krakauer.

Julie & Julia (2009) - based on Julia Child’s autobiography My Life in France (written with Alex Prud’Homme) and Julie Powell’s memoir, subtitled My Year of Cooking Dangerously.

Sex and the City: The Movie (2008) - based on the HBO series that aired from 1998 - 2004.

Sex and the City 2 (2010) - sequel to the above.

Sherlock Holmes (2009) - inspired by adventures of the detective character created in 1887 by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) - Peter Hedges based this screenplay on his novel of the same name.

5th

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) - U.S. adaptation of Swedish author Stieg Larsson’s 2005 novel.

15th

Hook (1991) - a pseudo-sequel to J.M. Barrie’s 1911 novel Peter and Wendy.

16th

A Monster Calls (2016) - Patrick Ness based the screenplay on his 2011 novel.

18th

Homefront (2013) - based on the 2005 novel of the same name.

20th

Sightless (2020) - based on director Cooper Karl’s 2017 short film.

SHUDDER
Premiers

14th

HUNTED - Inspired by the Little Red Riding Hood fable, this trailer is very stylish. When a car with a kidnapped woman (credited as Eve, played by Lucie Debay) in the trunk overturns on a road, she escapes into the woods pursued by her would-be captors. The trailer is narrated by an older woman telling the story to a young girl in the fashion of its fairy tale inspiration, so there’s a lot of fun juxtaposition and implied importance. For instance, when she says “(the forest) sent harsh and punishing emissaries” we see a crow, a snake and a wolf all attacking the men. That’s fun! This genuinely looks like a blast and director Vincent Paronnaud is a comic artist as well, so I’m expecting strong visuals. I’m curious to find out how the woman escapes her handcuffs, and to find out how the scenes of her with blue paint on her face come to pass.

Arrivals

18th

And Now the Screaming Starts! (1973) - based on David Case’s 1973 novella Fengriffen.

Asylum (a.k.a. House of Crazies) (1972) - adapted by Robert Bloch from four of his own short stories.

The Beast Must Die (1974) - based on the short story There Shall Be No Darkness by James Blish.

25th

Nightbreed (1990) - based on Clive Barker’s novella Cabal.

Rawhead Rex (1986) - based on the Clive Barker story.

26th

The Woman (2011) - based on Jack Ketchum’s novel.

...And that about puts the first EOINA of the new year to bed. There are about to be some changes here on Moviejawn, both cosmetic and structural, and I for one am very, very excited for this next phase! Tell your friends!

Thanks for reading and, as always - Long Live the Movies!