by “Doc” Hunter Bush, Podcast Czar

Howdy everyone, and welcome to Everything Old Is New Again, my monthly column covering Adaptations, Remakes, and Legacy Sequels coming to screens great and small! This month we’ve got a few streaming series, another attempt to make the Predator “a thing” again, and my sweet Satan - so many prequels. Ugh.

It’s oppressively hot here in Philadelphia, so there’s no better time to stay indoors with icy drinks and check out a new show, or retreat to the air conditioned sanctuary of a darkened theater - but please do so safely as we’re not even close to out of the pandemic woods yet - and spend the afternoon taking in a film (or two). In this column, I round up an assortment of appropriate projects, check out their available trailers, and try to give a run down of my thoughts on them. What are they based on? Do they look interesting? Will I see them?

Find out below! I’ll also include a SPOTLIGHT near the bottom on some films or series that aren’t necessarily new but do meet EOINA criteria and will be streaming this month, in case you haven’t seen ‘em.

PREMIERES - New content coming to theaters and streamers new you!

August 5th

Bullet Train (dir. David Leitch)
Where: in theaters

Based on the novel Maria Beetle by Kôtarô Isaka, it was a done deal that I’d want to see this because: Michael Shannon is in it. True, he’s not the lead. That would be Mr. Brad Pitt playing a former mercenary (in a bucket hat!) returning to the job with a new, non-lethal outlook on life: “If you put peace out into the world, you get peace back”. Of course, despite this being a seemingly easy job for his return - retrieving a briefcase from the titular bullet train - things quickly spiral out of control when a whole rogue’s gallery of also mercenaries seem just as dead-set on collecting the case. Joey King, Karen Fukuhara, Zazie Beetz, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Logan Lerman, Hiroyuki Sanada, Brian Tyree Henry, Masi Oka, and Bad Bunny all seem to be playing various contract killers with codenames based around mostly bugs and fruit, with Sandra Bullock as the voice in Pitt’s ear, his “guy in the chair”, the Maria Beetle of the film’s source novel’s title.

And then there’s Our Boy, Mike Shannon. “Big Chicago” some call him, or “One of our best living actors”. All I know is: his character is named White Death, he is covered in Yakuza style tattoos, he wields a katana, and he’s barely shown in the trailer. This could either be good or bad: either they’re burying him in the edit so as to not give away that he’s the Big Bad -OR- he gets taken down without much fanfare, perhaps in the style of the flashy swordsman unceremoniously shot in the market in Raiders of the Lost Ark (allegedly because Harrison Ford had food poisoning, but I digress). Either way, If You Put Michael Shannon In Your Film, I Will See It. On top of all that, this is very colorful, looks silly (and vaguely surreal) and action packed, and overall feels like a good time.

The Sandman (series)
Where: Netflix

Based on the classic comic books series from DC’s alternative imprint Vertigo, this original series from Netflix will run for 2 seasons, fail to “make Stranger Things numbers” and be canceled leaving a sub-Stranger Things amount of fans flabbergasted in its wake.

And that’s fine. It’s fine. Because you know what? There’s no way any adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s magnum opus could have the effect that reading the thing would. I know this. I’m not precious about things like that, but the important legacy of The Sandman isn’t what happens in the story, it’s how all of it makes you feel.

It’s entirely possible that this series, which will undoubtedly stray from the source material, as it should, will be able to evoke similar feelings in a whole new swath of people, but for me personally - I’m fine. I’ll give it a spin, and will most likely enjoy it, but with the dusty, washed out visuals I’m guessing it won’t grab me quite the way I want it to and I’ll just have to go visit my mom’s to pick up my collection and re-read them. And that’ll be magical.

8th

Prey (dir. Dan Trachtenberg)
Where: Hulu

This latest attempt to keep the Predator franchise in folks’ minds comes from the director of 10 Cloverfield Lane, a modern masterwork of tension AND franchise structure (that has somehow fallen by the wayside, I feel?) which is a good sign, right? That combined with the unique take on what could be thought of as “the traditional Predator narrative” could mean we’re in for something really fun! And this *does* look fun!

A Native American woman (Amber Midthunder) sets out to prove she can hunt as well as anyone, and encounters the Predator, a huge space alien with advanced technology that allows it to become invisible (well, mostly), track heat signatures, shoot lasers, and (famously, climactically) self destruct when necessary. As the text in the trailer says, Predators “Live to Hunt” while Naru (Midthunder) and her tribe “Hunt to Live”, so it appears that they all unite to hunt down this intergalactic menace and kill it.

Why, though? That’s the question. Traditionally the Predators being the intergalactic big game hunters they are, come to Earth for a challenge: a bunch of soldiers in a jungle, or one of the guys from Lethal Weapon in New York. Occasionally they even abduct folks from Earth and take them somewhere else to hunt them, like when you kidnap a homeless man and then let him loose on your property with a 20 minute head start and the promise that if he makes it to sun up, you’ll let him go free. What’s that? You don’t have The Most Dangerous Game parties? Hm. Your loss. Before you ask - no, you’re not invited to mine.

10th

Locke & Key (series)
Where: Netflix

The third season of Netflix’s honestly quite engrossing adaptation of the Joe Hill & Gabriel Rodriguez comic series looks… I mean it looks very good, but it’s been a little while since I’ve watched L&K so, I’ve gotta be honest with you, I completely forget where we left things. Was Kevin Durand in the last season? I don’t recall Kevin Durand.

The story follows a troubled family and their lineage involving a mysterious house and an array of magical keys found within. This is the final season of the series and it looks like we’re primarily getting the history of the keys and/or the house and/or the family - or more likely we’ll see how all of those things are intertwined. If the series wraps up anything like the books, expect a bittersweet ending.

I’m very excited. I’ve really enjoyed Locke & Key and can’t wait to see how the show ties things up. And I’ll definitely be rewatching some episodes as a refresher first.

I Am Groot (series)
Where: Disney+

In the Marvel MCU films, Groot is the sentient tree-creature alien voiced by Vin Diesel that pals around with the Guardians of the Galaxy. In the first GotG flick, he sacrificed himself to save the rest only to reveal that: being some kind of plant alien, he didn’t exactly “die”, and we were collectively gifted Baby Groot. At some point between movies he matured somewhat into a sullen, moody teenager who had to relearn to be a team player. Which he did (spoilers).

This series seems to take place in that gap space between pocket-sized Baby Groot, a pouty teenage jerkoff Groot. There aren’t any proper trailers for this yet but the only footage I think is new to this project is of Baby Groot in a car driven by a lady and they are both being pursued by some kind of technological drone things that look like- remember when the iMac came in different candy colors in the ‘90s? The orange one of those.

I’ve seen some things saying this is a short and NOT a series, but I’m also seeing a series listing. It could be that both things are true and the series and short are both named after Groot’s catchphrase. Either way, I guess we’ll see where this falls on the “Fun” v “Required” scale that the MCU’s side projects have necessitated.

12th

A League of Their Own (series)
Where: Amazon Prime

I love Penny Marshall’s 1992 film upon which this series is based. It’s a masterpiece. The story of the WWII era All-American women’s baseball league, told via the trials and tribulations of the Rockford Peaches, it’s also about sisterhood (biological and otherwise), friendship, determination, and love. The storytelling, characters, performances, and most magically the editing are all top notch. It should feel manipulative in how it vascillates from tear jerking to rib tickling, but it doesn’t. It works. I’m very excited for it to get a full series treatment.

The teasers don’t offer a ton of details, but one thing I’m quite glad to see is that it looks like the series is really elaborating on moments from the movie. Notably, there’s a scene in the original where a ball rolls to the feet of a black woman watching the Peaches practice (baseball was still segregated at that time) and when she throws it back, the pitch has some real heat on it. It’s the movie acknowledging that, while it is spotlighting women it wasn’t spotlighting *all* women.

In the teaser there are a few brief shots of Chanté Adams in a non-Peaches uniform, and one of her sharing a beer with Abbi Jacobson (in a Peaches uniform) so the series might be following more than one team, or perhaps Jacobson’s and Adams’ teams will play against each other. Either way, a wider spotlight is a welcome addition. I can’t wait to watch this.

17th

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (series)
Where: Disney+

She-Hulk is the Hulk’s cousin. In the comics, she was injured in an attempted mob hit and needed an emergency blood transfusion, which Hulk could provide… BUT AT WHAT COST? Well, I’m glad you asked: after recovering (faster than usual, if I remember correctly) Jennifer Walters also can turn into a Hulk, but like, a sexy lady Hulk. In the mid-2000s, writer Dan Slott reintroduced She-Hulk as a top lawyer in the Superhuman Law department of a prestigious law firm who had to learn, essentially, proper work/life balance (but also Jen/Shulk balance). The tone of that series was funnier, more self-aware and comics-literate than the usual Marvel fair and featured a character actively embracing her sex appeal.

That seems to be the approach this MCU spin-off is taking: a super hero-y twist on the half hour legal drama, with Jen taking on a new case each episode. There’s a car accident in the trailer, but it’s not clear if this is the event that necessitates a blood transfusion or if she comes by her She-Hulk powers through some other means.

There are a bunch of quick cut shots of characters scattered throughout the trailer including Frog Man (who has a suit that allows him to jump quite high), Titania played by Jameela Jamil (who has powers that rival She-Hulk but come from alien science/magic), the return of Abomination played by Tim Roth (an also giant brute who appeared in the original Hulk MCU movie in 2008), and a few allusions to the Wrecking Crew (a group of super criminals who used to work construction and utilize those types of tools - wrecking ball, crowbar, etc - for crime). This could be not only a lot of fun, and feature a sexually empowered character in the largely sexless MCU, but a great way to backdoor pilot a bunch of characters to expand the universe a little bit.

19th

Orphan: First Kill (dir. William Brent Bell)
Where: in theaters, Paramount+ (pay tier)

Based on the 2009 film Orphan from (more recently) Jungle Cruise director Jaume Collet-Serra, this prequel (cuz as of the end of the original, she dead) follows a previous, murderous misadventure starring Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman - returning to the role). If you haven’t seen Orphan I recommend it, but the gist of it is that Esther is not quite the sweet little girl that her adoptive family thinks.

This is a problem with making a prequel to a perfect little one-off horror movie: you can’t do anything too radical with the character because she has to end up exactly where she started the original flick and to that end, they seem to be treading exactly the same ground here as in the original.

From what I can gather, four years ago a little girl named Esther disappeared. She returns, but needs to reacclimate to her family. “Four years is a long time” some child psychologist or another says, which will be used to explain away all her weird behavior for at least the first ⅔ of the film. But slowly the family realize something’s up: “Esther” (read: definitely not actually Esther) is much better at art than she oughta be, and she’s making green smoothies for her mom (Julia Stiles) that are laced with something or other. Somebody definitely knows this girl is Wrong, so there’s someone doing a fingerprint analysis and yadda yadda yadda.

I’m torn on this one. In general, prequels rarely do it for me because they have a foregone conclusion which can dampen tension, but I am staunchly in favor of new horror franchises. I’ve previously gone to bat for the long-gap sequel to The Boy (which shares director Willaim Brent Bell with First Kill) with this same logic: Give me long term horror characters à la Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, etc., but with The Boy, Ma, The Empty Man, and sure Esther from Orphan, why not. I just don’t know if a prequel is the best idea.

The filmmakers seem to be playing Esther’s greatest hits a little bit, notably aping a reveal from the first Orphan involving her disguising her more deranged artwork by painting in black light reactive paint that is otherwise invisible, which leads to a reveal that works just fine in the first movie. But if the black light paint trick gets discovered in First Kill, why would she do it again later on? It would make more sense for her to have hidden these drawings in a different manner (even as simple as just drawing on the back of her more family friendly art, or drawing on a separate sheet of paper and pinning it up behind the cutesy stuff) which, upon getting found out would necessitate her coming up with a new strategy.

Overall I’m a little lukewarm on this conceptually, but I have an affection for Esther as a character (again, in the same way I feel about someone like Jason Voorhees) and the presence of William Brent Bell is notable to me. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Orphan: First Kill has half the wild left turns that Brahms: The Boy 2 did, which would truly be something.

21st

House of the Dragon (series)
Where: HBO

In what can’t be a coincidence, this Game of Thrones spin off prequel series drops a few short weeks before Amazon’s Lord of the Rings prequel series. It’s the battle of who can make me care less! Seriously, and not to yuck anyone’s yum but I just find it hard to give a damn about a lot of prequel things (see above). If the backstory to Game of Thrones was so interesting that it deserved adaptation, then that’s where the adaptations should have started. Same goes for LotR. Same went for Star Wars, but - like Star Wars - I’m sure this series will be some folks’ jumping on points for getting into GoT, and as such it’ll be someone’s favorite thing for opening the door for them. I’m not saying it’s never a good idea, but rarely.

On top of that, since the San Diego Comic Thing is happening, all the creators for these various films/series are giving interviews and someone attached to HotD dropped a doozy the other day. Apparently this series will be “dialing back” on the sexuality, BUT NOT on the sexual assault, which whomever it was said shouldn’t be shied away from. That’s a fucking disgusting decision and honestly my already somewhat low interest in this project is now fully in the toilet. Obviously “dialing back” doesn’t mean showing none, but even if one of every five instances of sexuality is consensual, that means the other four aren’t. And there’s no puritanical, prudish hand-wringing over that?

Who is this series aimed at? What is the target audience that can mentally and emotionally handle depictions of sexual assault but not of consensual sex? And that’s not even to mention the general swords-and-such violence. Who do they think they’re protecting by only showing the worst aspects of entertainment? Also, as the show goes on, wouldn’t this edict be a constraint upon the writers as well?

Entertainments like this are supposed to be an escape from the problems of the larger world, but when I can see the creators catering to the priggish moralistic pearl-clutching of that world, it stops being an escape and starts feeling like a trap.

It is fully possible that this quote was taken out of context or otherwise manipulated (I was not privy to the actual interview, just selective recounting of talking points) or that it could be walked back by the time this column drops. They might say “We’ve heard your disappointment, and luckily we happened to film a bunch of really hot consensual sex scenes before that decree came down, so we edited them back into the series! Huzzah! Three cheers for consent!”. In that case I might be slightly more interested, but as of now, I’d rather watch a show where people enjoy fucking.

I hope there’s a lot of steamy lovemaking in that Lord of the Rings series. And as long as I’m on my sexual soapbox (sexual sopabox - new band name, called it): There should be more cunnilingus in entertainment. Not explicit, or at least not any more explicit than your average blowjob scene, but: c’mon. Don’t be a killjoy.

31st

Three Thousand Years of Longing (dir. George Miller)
Where: In theaters

Based on the short story '“The Djinn in the Nightingale’s Eye” by A.S. Byatt, this looks w-i-l-d! The story of a lonely woman (Tilda Swinton) who brings a trinket home from a trip to Istanbul and accidentally releases a djinn (Idris Elba - now with elf ears!) who, wouldn’t ya know it, offers her three wishes. But Tilda’s no dummy. She knows how these things tend to go, saying “There’s no story about wishing that isn’t a cautionary tale.”

The majority of the trailer is the two of them in bathrobes in what is presumably her apartment, though hilariously when he is first freed, the djinn is enormous and has to resize down to almost-normal human scale (he still towers over Tilda). There’s a lot of imagery from, if I had to guess, his past? Maybe his djinn origin story (oridjinn story?) or possibly he’s telling her fables? I would assume they were from some wish-related misadventure she goes on but I couldn’t catch Tilda in any of those clips, which are full of mystical, magical imagery. There’s a man hanging upside down at the end of a corridor whose head falls off and becomes a weird spidery critter, there’s a giant bird (a roc I would guess), and some infinite seeming tower? It looks rad!

The combination of what is undoubtedly a love story starring two fantastic actors, directed by the great George Miller (director of your assorted Mads Max) and with the kind of scope and visuals that really appeals to the D&D nerd inside of me, this one is a foregone conclusion. I cannot wait for this!

SPOTLIGHT

Older stuff, but still EOINA friendly material.

August 1st

The Devil Wears Prada (dir. David Frankel)
Where: Hulu

This flick, based on the 2003 novel from Lauren Weisberger about an aspiring fashionista (Anne Hathaway) struggling to Have It All while working for a real beast (Meryl Streep) in NYC has no right to be as crowd-pleasing as it is. I’m not usually interesting in the fashion world, or NYC really, but watching soft-hearted Hathaway have to find the steel inside of her to stand up for herself, as well as watching Meryl chew scenery like the world’s most beautiful termite, not to mention the occasional pitch perfect interjection from Stanley Tucci; it all just works. It’s absorbing, engaging, funny, sweet, and a joy to watch. If you haven’t seen it - check it out. If you have - aren’t you due to rewatch it?

19th

Uncharted (dir. Ruben Fleischer)
Where: Netflix

This adaptation of the quadrilogy of Indiana Jones-esque treasure hunting video games from Nuaghty Dog Studios came out earlier this year and I’ll be honest: I haven’t seen it. I love the games (the three that I’ve played) but think Tom Holland of current Spider-Man fame is not a great casting choice for the lead role of adventurer Nathan Drake. Of course, his casting was more motivated by potential box office numbers and franchisability than character, so: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Regardless, I’m curious to actually see this one, and hope that at least it’ll be big, dumb fun watching Holland pal around with costar Mark Wahlberg, solving ancient puzzles, avoiding a primordial traps, and seeking treasures of yore! Also Antonio Banderas is in it? How bad could that be? Probably kinda bad maybe.

This was a pretty well-packed month, but as I mentioned above: in this weather I’m glad for the wealth of things to keep me entertained that don’t require actively being outside. Thanks for reading, and thanks as always to MovieJawn for hosting and posting. If you’d like some more from me, you can find my various articles on MJ of course, but I also cohost the Hate Watch/Great Watch podcast with my fellow Jawnie and partner Allison Yakulis. This month we’ve got an episode on Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) with special guest my mom, Lynette Notte, where we discuss aliens and similar conspiracies. A lot. We’ve also got a special episode that drops on Allison’s birthday! She chose to discuss one of her favorite pictures, the 2016 feature debut from Daniels (of Everything Everywhere All At Once fame) Swiss Army Man, and invited our frequent guest Bryan Bierman on for the chat!

Until next time - Long Live the Movies!