Each month, your favorite old sport reviews a movie in comfort of robe and concocts a meal inspired by the film.

Directed by Mark Waters
by Rosalie Kicks!,
Old Sport at Moviejawn

OK. I am just going to put this right here: I'm not a fan of Tina Fey's work. I know! guys maybe I truly am a horrible person with a bland taste for cinema -- why do you think the MJ crew calls me OLD SPORT?!

Hear me out though - I respect this lady. I feel Tina has helped pave the way for women in the entertainment biz, specifically those in the comedy world. However when it comes down to it, her work simply doesn't interest me. I don't like crude/potty humor. I'd rather puke on my own foot than watch Baby Mama or Sisters. So I'm sure it comes as no surprise to learn that Mean Girls was never very high on my "MUST WATCH" list. Of course I heard things about it, all of which made me want to avoid it more. On top of that, teen movies - not really my thing. Also, I kinda get a thrill out of informing people: Nope. Never saw it. No idea what you are talking about - in regards to the biggest Hollywood flicks. Go ahead, name a popular mainstream Hollywood clown movie: Ten Things I Hate About You – never saw it (OK. Maybe I saw half of it), American Pie - I’ll take a pass, the NEW Star Wars - Nope (although that may change, now that I learned Mads was involved and the death threats from the MJ crew arrive daily on my doorstep).

When my pal, The Fixer, discovered that I didn't know what "The Burn Book" was or if butter was a carb? wellllllll, she decided this needed to be fixed. I thought it seemed like a ridiculous movie to demand that I watch...but you DO NOT QUESTION THE FIXER. The Fixer is wise. So I checked my local library and bingo! Nine copies available for pick up - I grabbed my trusty robe, pen, paper, breakfast taco, alcohol-infused elixir and awaited the MEAN knowledge to come pouring in.

Apparently to my surprise, the movie is a comedy and NOT a PSA that teaches kids how to be mean. Instead, there were jokes - that I guess I should have laughed at (I did laugh once: specifically when Regina asked if butter was a carb?). And characters that I guess I should of cared about. Honestly, I found it a bit hard to care about anything with the obnoxious voice-over continuing to tell me what to think. Or the horrible tunes that I found distracting. Sigh. Regardless, I did want everything to work out for Cady (and see her go back to being a nerd) and to witness the "Plastics" melt.

Overall, a recurring thought while watching was: I really can't remember my high school experience being anything like what was portrayed. Were kids really that mean? Was it really that bad? Not for one second do I want to go back to that time in my life. It is not that I have nightmare stories that I carry with me - instead I found the entire experience boring. Maybe I just ignored all the horribleness; too busy doing my own thing. This may come as no surprise - your favorite old sport has an old soul. Young people’s interests typically make my brain melt. I have very little interest in things/people that are popular. I like the obscure and odd. I much prefer spending time with elder folk and have always had an interest in dead people/things (Buster Keaton. Swooooon). This old sport has known for a long time who she is, so maybe the mean girls were just afraid of me and stayed the hell away? I couldn't care for the cliques, trends, or competitions. I was wayyyy too busy obsessing over bands and which CD was coming out Tuesday to be worried if my hair looked OK or if I was wearing a fashionable skirt. And diets - NOPE, I’ll have that order of cheese fries, thank you very much.

Immediately following the viewing, my first thought was: well, that sucked and now I kinda want to watch Heathers. Then I lifted my breakfast taco, munched on a few nacho chips, had a few sips of my pink cocktail and had some deep thoughts. What was this movie trying to say? Why does everyone keep talking about it (it has been 12 years people!)?

To start, I don’t believe this movie was made for me. This was made for those kids out there that are trying to find themselves. Those kids that are ready to do anything to fit in and sometimes will lose themselves in doing so. It was also made for mean girls. I think it was trying to show just how ridiculous people can be; hence the exaggerated characters. Everyone seemed to have extreme personalities making them come off as caricatures rather than actual people. The solution is simple kids: be yourself and BE NICE. When Tina was speaking to the girls in the gym about being hurtful to one another, it made me think about the culture we live in: This is still occurring, especially in the film world. Ladies gotta support ladies, not bring em' down.

In closing, I can't believe this movie is over ten years old and people are still talking about it. Not because I don’t think it has its place or that it should not have been made - it saddens me that we don’t see more female centric films. Films that put ladies out front and center. Films that are written by a women (directed by a lady is cool too) and provide a woman’s point of view. Films that show the experiences women have, especially as they are growing up. Mean Girls helped launch the careers of Amanda Seyfried, Rachel McAdams, Lindsey Lohan, Lizzy Caplan and gave even more credibility to Tina Fey. I read that Tina Fey actually based the mean girl, Regina George, off of herself. Wow. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there and admit that you were wrong. Maybe she wanted to show other girls: Hey! Look how silly this person is, don’t be like this…BE NICE. In today’s world you hear about social media bullying - the new form of hatred kids deal with. We need more films that show kids, especially young girls, that this type of behavior is not appropriate. It is kinda sad that we have not seen more female-focused movies with the great success this film saw. It definitely showed women in a different light than most films do and put males merely in the background. I guess I just hope to one day see a female-driven movie that doesn't have to sink to the level of crude humor, bad jokes, and stereotypes.

Don't run out to Taco Bell, when you can have a fiesta at home in ROBE!

I'm on An All Carb Diet so have a Breakfast Taco (God, Karen, You're So Stupid)

Egg Mixture:
3 veggie sausage links (I like these)
4 eggs
2 Tbsp Milk
2 Tsp Sriracha
1/4 cup onion of choice (I like red onion)
1/4 cup Bell Pepper - to be used in guacamole as well
1/2 Jalapeno - to be used in guacamole as well
1 clove garlic - to be used in guacamole as well
Ear of corn, shaved
Handful of cilantro

Guacamole:
1 Avocado
1 green onion
1/2 lime - juiced
Salt & Pepper to taste
1 Tsp Jalapeno - (depending on how hot you like it)
1/2 of the garlic clove
1 1/2 Tsp Bell Pepper
1 tbsp cilantro

For serving:
10 cherry tomatoes sliced
Handful of lettuce
4 Taco Shells
1/2 cup cheddar cheese
Your favorite salsa
Sour Cream

Place the sausage links in the oven/toaster oven on 375F while you prepare guacamole. Mash the avocado and chop all the necessary ingredients: green onion, salt, pepper, jalapeno, garlic, bell pepper, cilantro. Pour the lime juice over the mixture and mash until preferred consistency. Finish chopping the rest of your ingredients for the egg mixture. Remove the sausage links from the oven. Next, saute in pan with butter: Onions, Peppers, garlic, cilantro, corn, sausage until the onions are translucent. Squeeze a bit of lime juice on top of the veggie mix. Next remove the veggie mix from the pan. Set aside. Whisk your eggs, milk, sriracha together. Warm the pan with butter and pour the egg mixture in. Scramble the eggs. Combine the egg mixture with veggie mixture and serve on a taco shell topped with your favorite taco fixings. Nacho chips are a great side dish.

Remember on Wednesdays we wear PINK and drink PINK Cocktails:
Of course Martha Stewart has the perfect cocktail for your Mean Girls Viewing Party, find it here.